Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me. Abraham Lincoln

   Sorry, but it was time he ended it. You're both going different directions in life... he's getting taller, and let's face it... you're just getting fatter.

   Restaurants, please stop trying to get clever with your restroom signs. I have a very small bladder."

   I want to kick somebody's a$$, somewhere in the world, who works in a glitter factory.

   it weird if I ask my ex if I could use her as a reference for my resume for a new girlfriend?...

   If all this Global Warming keeps up, I think Atlanta may have to add to it's fleet of 8 snow-plows......

   Religion is a spiritual joke thats gone too far.

   Our first lady will be doing a live show. Will there be a pole involved?

   2 + 2 = 46,783 -the CDC counting covid19 cases

   What do women and dog sh!t have in common? The older they are, the easier they are to pick up

   HAPPY CANADA DAY! It's like the 4th of July but with real beer!

   I was going to dress up like sleepy joe this year for Halloween, but my head would'n't fit up my arse.

   I dont want to say the economy is getting bad under Joe, but I drove by the former Chucky Cheese which is now called "chucky government cheese"

   Obama: "We Must Punish Our Enemies" American Teabaggers and GOP candidates are enemies of the Latino people??? This DUDE is the Anti Christ.......

   The world needs a hero, I'll go change my clothes..

   Mexican jokes & black jokes are all the same. Once you heard Juan, you heard Jamal.

   !̸̶͚͖͖̩̻̩̗͍̮̙̈͊͛̈͒̍̐ͣͩ̋ͨ̓̊̌̈̊́̚͝͠ͅ ̷̧̢̛͖̤̟̺̫̗͚̗͖ͪ̏̔̔̒́ͥ̓ͫ̀ͤ̇ͥ͝ ̡̊͛̇ ͫ̉ͦ̊̀̔ͧͮ͆̽ͦͩ͋̌͗̚̚҉̵͖̟͙̮͈̼̹̞͝ͅis ...Thats right I virtually cracked your screen ;P

   Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns and says to the other "Dam"

   thinking about how Kanye could be so Heartless!

   I kissed Troy's mom and she like it, hope his squirrel friend don't mind it