Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
A life worth living shouldn't be wasted on a life spent wanting.... 
have you seen what facebook wants to do to the profiles now? zuckerberg needs a timeline of when he gave the ppl what they liked
An average person thinks he isn't!!
Usually, the easiest thing to do is say you are sorry. But there are times when you realise that in the face of what you have done, saying sorry is just so ridiculous.
If you get nervous during sex, just pretend like everyone watching you is naked.
Tomorrow is not guaranteed - and that applies to relationships too. Love for today for tomorrow you may break up.
Most of the time the past tense of 'hate' is 'love.'
I'm gonna go all Kazoo solo and Haiku Freestyle on the next person that says I'm not Gangsta!!!
Middle finger up to my old life.
if I would of known that buying a new ride-on lawn mower, my wife would mow the lawn all the time, I would of bought it 10 years ago.
having at least one more drink then may not call it a night
Radio One DJ Chris Moyles has announced he will perform a record-breaking 37 hour radio show. If rumours are to be believed then during his time on air he will play almost a dozen records.
excited about Fat Tuesday! Not so excited about Headachey Wednesday though.
I guess the phrase ''ITS MY MONEY AND I NEED IT NOW!'' does'nt work on the I R S.
My mother always told me to never quit something I'm good at. So here is to her for making me realise that i'm good at being drunk!
NCAA Championship: are you kidding me?. More like the best 'slapstick' comedy ever!
A British accent can make a conversation about Justin Bieber sound like they just fixed the economy.
After watching this horror movie, I have realised my a$$hole indeed does have a heartbeat.
Hmmmm.. Do you ever wonder if Nicki Minaj butt dials more than most people?..
Keep the dream alive.....Hit the snooze button 6 times 