Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's gonna be a scorcher..... so I want to be clear here.....SAY NO to sandals and socks....... you have been warned !!!!!

   I hate when my winks and happy faces are split.. and continued on the next line :-/

   "I have PMS with GPS, which means I am a b!tch and I will find you!"

   Instead of turning my clock ahead an hour tonight... I'm gonna turn my clock ahead about 6 hours. I will wake up feeling refreshed thinking I slept in late but still will have a full day ahead of me... WINNING!!!!

   Duke Nukem Forever delayed again....They really are making Duke Nukem FOREVER..!

   it only thunders when it's raining.. a player only loves you when he's playing..

   Love is like a Rubix Cube, there are countless numbers of wrong twists and turns, but when you get it right, it looks perfect no matter what way you look at it...

   Man this haterade tastes nasty! How can so many people drink this?!

   Just because your a great grand-mother does not give you the right to wear "Juicy" on the seat of your pants...

   You know if I was the ruler of my own country and I thought the people were gonna revolt against me...I would probably give them free rice krispies treats...Cuz aint no way you could stay mad at someone whose giving you free rice krispies treats...

   B*tch please! You've have had more relationships than my great-grandfather has had birthdays.

   Hef like his girls like he likes his paint when he spruces up the ole Playboy Mansion: cheap, dull, and easily spreadable.

   I wonder how the people in Cairo, Egypt would act if they ever won a championship of some sort...

   introducing the latest game from Zynga.....SNOWVILLE..... make coins as Mr. Plow.....purchase snow shovels and snow throwers to do jobs...do "special jobs" clearing driveways for the elderly couple down the street as you ask friends for help.... and be ca

   Why do I keep seeing the word "surprised" on statuses? Really! Today you were surprised to get candy and flowers at work from your bf, gimme a break. Tattoo nieve on your forehead please.

   RIP Guitar Hero

   Excuse me, have you seen motivation? I seem to have lost all of mine.

   the guy who said women are bad at maths, missed out that they also divide the number of people that the slept with by 3!

   What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

   I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code