Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually ' 
Aliens are coming to Earth on Monday to abduct all the good looking and sexy people. You will be safe, but I just wanted to say goodbye.
Jesus is the way, the truth and the life!
"Don't kid yourself" Would be a great slogan for an abortion clinic.
Last week my best friend who was Chinese died. I went to China to attend the funeral and pay my respects. When people close to you die, it's weird how you see their face everywhere you look.
What do you call a Mexican who has just lost his car? Carlos
After Arizona's new immigration law, the Phoenix Suns managing partner denounced the new law and said "it was wrong". So, me and 4 friends went to the game without a ticket, and got kicked out. If he liked the law, he should have let us stay.
Elton John adopting a newborn at 68??? Really? I mean, shouldn't he be picking out coffins instead of cradles?
Your 90% the reason why I get up every morning the other 10% is because I have to pee...
I like the movie Avatar, especially the first time I saw it when it was called Pocahonis
Don't try to understand everything.. because sometimes it is not meant to be understood... but rather to be accepted...
if you always stop to smell the roses, sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
What do you call someone who can't tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle?........... Fat.
All girls with cats are bitter and crazy, and all straight men with cats are secretly gay.
If gas gets any more expensive, I'll have to file for tankruptcy!
Bet you didn't know that before leaving the factory every Tickle Me Elmo doll receives two test tickles.
if Foreigners would learn how to support themselves, America wouldn't be in debt all the time
Trump's golf instructor gave him a great tip this morning. He would have much better hip rotation if he took his head out of his butt.
Yes, you know...the same Stormy Daniels ordered to pay $293,000 to him for lying.
The guy working the Drive Thru Window was a real smarta$$. Thankfully he got my order right so at least he wasn't a real dumba$$ too. 