Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

   I often wonder what I've done with my life. But then my clinically sane friends visit me, and I remember why I enjoy being nuts!!!

   If you're going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you...

   decided to try the P90X workout with a co-worker and realized just a few minutes into it that it was going to kill me, Damn I'm getting old

   Everybody hates me because I'm so universally well-liked...

   First day without any real amount of nicotine... My brain is interpreting this new development as: grumpy, antzy, sleepy, jumpy and pissy all at the same time... If I get sneezy and dopey I got all the 7 dwarfs covered!

   Ok, I have to stop yelling at this TV like the Celtic players can hear me! It's not making them play better and it is making me hoarse.

   thinks Twitter spoils us... if only we could limit people in real life to 140 characters or less.

   I used to believe people wanted to contact me but always found me unavailable. to rectify this I bought a mobile, got BBM, what'sapp, msn, yahoo... what a relief, now I know exactly how many people aren't trying to get in touch with me...

   If you say something really fast it can sound really easy or really hard.

   Dont say good morning to me plz. I prefer a Hello!! so I can think its the late day, nite or something besides morning!

   That blonde's cleavage in that engery drink commercial WORX for me.

   What is it about stupid people that makes them think they are ALWAYS right, without exception?

   Oxiclean commercials just aren't the same without Billy Mays. Also late night tv needs more Vince from Shamwow. That hooker prob had it coming

   McDonalds Monopoly starts today, and my annual ritual to find my specs so I can read the .05 mm alphanumeric numbers on the bottom

   I named my dog life because she is a b!tch too.

   Don't you hate when you put some much work and effort into an assignment and still fail it miserably.

   the New Jersey Devils are winning at a pace that would make Charlie Sheen envious

   It must suck for Jimmer that he is the leading scorer in the nation, but isn't allowed to score!

   Punxutawney Phil came back out today and wrote a message in the snow. It said, "April Fools!!" Looks like Ground Hog season is starting early this year.. Lock and load!