Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   need to finish my assignments fast before my brains figure out I am doing something productive....

   gone to search for One Eyed Willie's rich stuff.

   Why do they call it “getting your dog fixed” if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

   I have always woundered why people bang their heads against brick walls..... then I met you

   wonders why - while changing your clothes at the YMCA - old men have to flaunt and swing their wrinkled junk around? Its like they're trying to prove their manhood or attempting to iron out the wrinkles, I'm not sure.

   wondering what's the deal with Lokos. Beer flavored Kool-Aid? Grow up and drink liquor.

   Time to "man up" and do my husbandly duty. Eating all of the left-overs out of the fridge. This stomach isn't going to grow itself!

   I would respond to your last question, but I am really tired of speaking stupid!

   Cupid teaches kids to shoot someone in the butt with an arrow to make them like you.

   if Tyler Perry controlled facebook, it would have more drama and more cross dressing old men with family lessons....Be glad Tyler Perry does not own Facebook.

   Anything required of me today besides laying here in bed will just have to wait till tomorrow.

   A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to catch up

   worried, my monkey has a drinking problem

   I really need a voice activated TV because the remote always disappears.

   When you look forward to coming home so you can have drink and NOT because of who is there... it's a big problem!

   There is no way your putting a giant pretzel inside me..

   I life without mistakes, is a life full of mistakes!

   Try to keep your mind out of the gutter. Your body, too.

   I heard Cialis has a new spokesman... Randy Johnson!

   Have time to kill but not necessarily going to kill in that time.