Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So I found out why you shouldn't drink before going to work-out. Let's just say no one at the gym will be asking me to spot them anymore....ooops!

   I thought I loved her. Then I went to to strip joint. I never returned home.

   People are going to start thinking we're crazy, well just me, you went past crazy ages ago.

   brought sexy back. I was charged a 10% restocking fee.

   out tonight, because the Beastie Boys fought, and possibly died, for my right to paaarty....

   eat, drink, and be scary.

   need to finish my assignments fast before my brains figure out I am doing something productive....

   gone to search for One Eyed Willie's rich stuff.

   Why do they call it “getting your dog fixed” if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

   I have always woundered why people bang their heads against brick walls..... then I met you

   wonders why - while changing your clothes at the YMCA - old men have to flaunt and swing their wrinkled junk around? Its like they're trying to prove their manhood or attempting to iron out the wrinkles, I'm not sure.

   wondering what's the deal with Lokos. Beer flavored Kool-Aid? Grow up and drink liquor.

   Time to "man up" and do my husbandly duty. Eating all of the left-overs out of the fridge. This stomach isn't going to grow itself!

   I would respond to your last question, but I am really tired of speaking stupid!

   Cupid teaches kids to shoot someone in the butt with an arrow to make them like you.

   if Tyler Perry controlled facebook, it would have more drama and more cross dressing old men with family lessons....Be glad Tyler Perry does not own Facebook.

   Anything required of me today besides laying here in bed will just have to wait till tomorrow.

   A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to catch up

   worried, my monkey has a drinking problem

   I really need a voice activated TV because the remote always disappears.