Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   will listen, if you'll talk about me...

   It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.

   Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

   This status update takes place between 9:00pm and 10:00pm. Statuses happen in real time.

   down at Fraggle Rock!!

   People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

   So I found out why you shouldn't drink before going to work-out. Let's just say no one at the gym will be asking me to spot them anymore....ooops!

   I thought I loved her. Then I went to to strip joint. I never returned home.

   People are going to start thinking we're crazy, well just me, you went past crazy ages ago.

   brought sexy back. I was charged a 10% restocking fee.

   I dont get when people say "I remember my first beer".... Cause I sure as hell dont..

   What's the difference between Cheryl Cole and the Icelandic volcano? The volcano's still blowing ash.

   I can't see an end.I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore......................Definitely time for a new keyboard!!

   New York Times reports Neanderthals mated with humans thousands of years before "Jersey Shore."

   confused why these stars adopt kids to have other people raise them.

   put the bom in the bom sha-bom bom, but lays no claim to the ram in the ramalama ding dong.

   I'd consider being a farmer. As long as I could live on the Pepperidge Farm, and raise Milanos.

   What kind of troopers does the Empire use when it's nice out?

   out tonight, because the Beastie Boys fought, and possibly died, for my right to paaarty....

   eat, drink, and be scary.