bego Funny Status Messages

   My girlfriend just said that I put sports before our relationship. Bull$hit. It’s our sixth season together.

   Back in my day we also drank underage, we just weren't stupid enough to take photos of our illegal actions and then display them for all to see..

   Dear those people who use their cellphones as a personal stereo in public, stop it. Sincerely, Everybody

   I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f$$ing hit it.

   When I got Internet, I started watching T.V. less and less.

   Hey Liver, it's Friday... Time to clock-in!

   If karma doesn't hit you, I swear I will first..

   LIFE TIP: Next time you do something illegal, look serious and carry a clipboard.

   Men and women have different ways of cleaning a toilet. Women use bleach and rinse twice.We man just pee on the poop stains as hard as we can..

   Scientists Say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons.. They Forgot to mention Morons..

   girls at hooters may be hot. but when it comes down to it, the ladies at subway are the real wife material..

   Crazy alert: I just read that some girls are buying positive pregnancy tests on Craiglist to pressure their boyfriends into popping the question. If your girlfriend does this, leave her immediately!

   I hate it when people are at your house and ask, “Hey do you have a bathroom?” Nooooo not at all, we all dump in the yard.

   There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego.

   If a chick gets a tattoo of a horse on her boob, by the time she's 70, it'll be a giraffe!

   I wish you could pick a brand of car, and every few years you'd get an upgrade. Like with phones.

   Who the hell still calls in to request a song on the radio?

   Women- God’s version of Rubik cube.

   thinks Facebook keeps trying REALLY hard to connect me with people I'm desperately trying to avoid.

   Three words that can really really  crush a mans pride. "Is it in"?