Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook:........-Log on -Check notifications -Poke everyone back -Go on homepage -Do the happy birthday ritual -Go back to homepage -Change from Top news to Most recent -Have a little scroll down -Like a couple of pages -Youre damn bored already...

   treat your woman like a vacuum cleaner, if she stops sucking, replace the bag!

   Can somebody please explain to me! I've never actually seen it but I hear it all the time "There's one born every minute" Thats about mexicans right?

   Eventhough Mexico won, they still lost. Cause they have to go back to Mexico!

   going places just as soon as he gets out of this freaking bed

   exaggerations went up a million percent last year

   I love school.......its the quizzes, tests, and homework I cant stand!!

   Sorrry Facebook I trusted you manytimes I will not tell you what s on my mind anymore you keep tell people my secrets

   The BP president said that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, "Don't worry, my car is fine."

   I used to be a life gaurd, untill that damn blue kid got me fired!

   feels sorry for people who are on trial. Their future is put into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

   I TRIPLE DOG DARE YA!!!

   If you are talking behind my back you are in a great position to kiss my a@s

   She's not a slut, she's like Wi-Fi without password, everyone enjoys it.

   i hate it when you go to a vuvuzela concert and people start playing soccer

   Why hasn't the NAACP changed it's name to NAAAA?

   When you smoke weed, it reveals you to yourself.

   I think I am going to declare a Family Emergency and appropriate funds from other parts of our family budget and use them to buy beer.

   1993 called, they want their jokes back.

   Dude, she just called you a Mexican... Oh hell no, hold my taco.