Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A sitcom after all the years away from television proves again that Michael J Fox is one of the true movers and shakers of entertainment.

   HEY, To EVERYBODY celebrating Independence Day, None of us want independence, We just want to be taken care of!!! .... We are .... The Baby Nation!!!! ..... Join Us!!! .... BTW .... We are also known as the Democrats.

   Jesus paid for your sins. Make sure he gets his moneys worth!

   Nelson Mandela the only "Black President" that will be missed!

   Lil Wayne is by far the worst thing to happen to hiphop since Solja boy. Over Rated.

   One night a jet flew a little too close to my house. I was walking from the living room to the kitchen and the stewardess told me to sit down.

   Steve Jobs death is being treated as suspicious... Police are looking for iWitnesses

   America: the most powerful nation in the history. We're gonna have haters from weaker countries. Good bless America!

   All firemen must dread the moment when they’re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.

   I find it ironic that blacks wont be safe until... you lock up all the blacks....

   America will NEVER be great again, regardless of who wins, NEVER, period! Nothing will change same old caca, and you all know it. So chill!

   No mask on your face, you big disgrace, spreading your germs all over the place. Freddie Mercury,

   Okay can we only go through one day of Mandela jokes instead of the 3 days of Paul Walker????? Thanks!

   *eats apple while maintaining eye contact with doctor*

   Fingers crossed this is the year I'll finally wear a scarf correctly!

   I want to grow my own food but I can't find any bacon seeds.

   Dying is Kim Kardashian's number one fear because in the spiritual world ghosts only have white d*cks.

   My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "You're donating to Locks of Love?"

   Ain't no sandwich when she's gone... Ain't no Sub when she's away..

   You're really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women