Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The us army: when it absolutely positively has to be destroyed overnight!

   Remember the olden days when girls who didn't have titties would just wear shirts that show off their bellybutton. "i got no boobs but I got a bellybutton!"

   The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11 months old.

   Your first mistake was leaving me. Your second mistake was thinking I would die without you.

   Ladies.... you cannot ruin friendship with sex.... thats like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate syrup.... which btw does not ruin sex either

   BREAKING: "Hey, Where Is Everybody?" Says Chilean Miner No. 34

   Newt Gingrich is the Republican front runner? I wouldn't bother getting those moving boxes just yet, Barack.

   thought of the day .....if I were a dog and you were a flower I would lift up my leg and give you a shower ! lol

   the guy that put the laughter in manslaughter...

   "Justin Bieber" has 12 letters. So does gayyyyyyyyyy. Coincidence? I think not.

   The last four letters in "American" are "I can." The last four letters in "Republican" are "I can." The last four letters in "Democrats" are "rats."

   Yesterday yet another person jumped the White House fence. It happened again. On the bright side, at least Michelle Obama is finally getting more Americans to exercise.

   (_8(I) - Tilt your head to the left. Who does this look like?

   Jesus Christ. I'm as high as whoever wrote the Bible.

   ATHEISM :The belief that there was nothing then something happened to nothing which magically exploded and then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself for no reason what so ever into self replicating bits which gained conciousness to debate it.

   so he thinks he can make the desicion to change our healthcare over night, comin from a guy who took three months to decide on the color of his new bed room, and 6 months on a dog....

   I hate when I press 1 for English and still get an Indian person.

   Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

   loving him some father son and holy spirit right. I love ya Jesus

   two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left....