Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook should change it from 'Friends' to 'People I've made eye contact with

   Product Surveys suggest 4 out of 5 women will use any brand of facial tissue to blow there noses. The other one is just picky.

   Facebook should just go back to the way it looked when it first came out

   So you saying I have a better chance in getting hit by a piece satellite then winning the lotto tomorrow!?!? WTF!!

   The board game "Sorry' has done nothing but help several generations of Americans say that particular word like a true smart@ss.

   Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend ppl one by one.

   That awkward moment when someone asks Sirius Black if he's serious

   Pretty face but the chase ain't worth the price

   Now that Rapture is about to begin…I have a few things I need to confess: I let the dogs out, I stole the cookies from the cookie jar, I hacked play station and YES I did cause global warming…Internet connection lost error message**

   i love zombies, we got a lot in common... we both want some brain.

   Chris Brown: If you had only used Whips & Chains, instead of Sticks & Stones, you may have avoided jail time...

   I have had PMS for the past two days. "Parked Motorcycle Syndrome". It's a nice cool night, time for a midnight ride.

   My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

   If You Wake Me Up, & I Dont Get Angry. . . You Must Be Pretty Special

   Ten folded ones in my left pants pocket, four buffalo chicken wings bones in my right pants pocket and empty mini bottles scattered around the house... apparently I had fun last night.

   Saying “oh!” like you get it. But you still have no idea.

   When will the US State Department recognize the Man vs Food nation

   I know that I'm worth the wait. If you can't be patient and wait for me then I know you're not worth it.

   Facebook needs a "People you need to delete" list....

   I got an e-mail saying '"At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" I'm thinking, that's just spam.