Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What's the difference between a illegal and a park bench??? A park bench can support a family

   Its funny that people are upset with a gay character in a Disney movie but are perfectly fine with beastuality

   Rush-hour traffic is flowing smoothly, and there are no accidents on all major freeways. #DayWithoutWomen

   Your like a 5 hr energy drink. Fast & Easy. 

   Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.

   While pumping gas, if you listen closely, you can hear the pump telling your kid's college fund to go "F" itself.

   How does Robocop have so many rounds of bullets in that little clip??

   you better get a condom for your heart cause i'm about to f*ck your feelings...

   Facebook should change it from 'Friends' to 'People I've made eye contact with

   Product Surveys suggest 4 out of 5 women will use any brand of facial tissue to blow there noses. The other one is just picky.

   Facebook should just go back to the way it looked when it first came out

   So you saying I have a better chance in getting hit by a piece satellite then winning the lotto tomorrow!?!? WTF!!

   The board game "Sorry' has done nothing but help several generations of Americans say that particular word like a true smart@ss.

   Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend ppl one by one.

   That awkward moment when someone asks Sirius Black if he's serious

   Pretty face but the chase ain't worth the price

   Now that Rapture is about to begin…I have a few things I need to confess: I let the dogs out, I stole the cookies from the cookie jar, I hacked play station and YES I did cause global warming…Internet connection lost error message**

   i love zombies, we got a lot in common... we both want some brain.

   Chris Brown: If you had only used Whips & Chains, instead of Sticks & Stones, you may have avoided jail time...

   I have had PMS for the past two days. "Parked Motorcycle Syndrome". It's a nice cool night, time for a midnight ride.