Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Lindsey Lohan wants to work again. The community service over all ready?

   Ever notice that "What the Hell" is always the right decision?

   People tend to have two reasons for doing a thing; one that sounds good and a real one.

   would say something smart but you wouldnt understand...

   If her ass had a red "you are here" dot on it, I'd never get lost in thought.

   My get up an go done got up and went and busted the hell outa my give a damn on it's way out!

   Some guys think all they have to do is try hard to get a girl, but what they don't know is the most important part is keeping her

   The person who says he trusts no one should include himself.

   I wonder how Kate and the Prince are doing right now, since the news has been taken off of them for a dead guy.

   "The '60s are gone, dope will never be as cheap, sex never as free, and the rock and roll never as great." Abbie Hoffman

   leave a message and if I don't get back to you I don't like you

   Due to public service cutbacks, the Rapture is simply going to be based on Santa's Naughty/Nice List.

   Quote of the week "Tactically, it's all going as planned.." Qaddafi

   When I don't need it, I find it. When I need it, I can't find it! I guess I don't need it...

   There's nothing more annoying than the sound of someone you don't like eating. Actually scrap that - There's nothing more annoying than the sound of someone eating!

   I love you.... and your weed.

   People who always say "love is blind" need to be reminded that Stevie Wonder is divorcing his wife

   If you're happy and you know it slap your face.

   The moment when your sense of smell kicks in is the exact same time that hearing the dog fart stops being funny.

   saw a Mayan Xmas shopping today ........ seemed legit