Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Feels sorry for the astronauts on the space station. If the world ends who will bring them supplies?

   Men see what women do, but they never know what women think while they are doing it.

   and the #1 reason a beer is better than a woman.....Its a beer!

   Happy Groundhogs Day. No way Phil is coming out of his hole today.....

   listening to Carole King tell him that she feels the Earth move under her feet and that it has something to do with when I'm around......does that mean she thinks I'm fat?

   Attention fuels immaturity.

   Bartering goods for sex is prostitution but today its ok? Happy Valentine's Day!!!

   in the same place he was 10 minutes ago.

   Lindsey Lohan wants to work again. The community service over all ready?

   Ever notice that "What the Hell" is always the right decision?

   People tend to have two reasons for doing a thing; one that sounds good and a real one.

   would say something smart but you wouldnt understand...

   If her ass had a red "you are here" dot on it, I'd never get lost in thought.

   My get up an go done got up and went and busted the hell outa my give a damn on it's way out!

   Some guys think all they have to do is try hard to get a girl, but what they don't know is the most important part is keeping her

   The person who says he trusts no one should include himself.

   I wonder how Kate and the Prince are doing right now, since the news has been taken off of them for a dead guy.

   "The '60s are gone, dope will never be as cheap, sex never as free, and the rock and roll never as great." Abbie Hoffman

   leave a message and if I don't get back to you I don't like you

   Due to public service cutbacks, the Rapture is simply going to be based on Santa's Naughty/Nice List.