Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What U-Haul really means is: U-Cheap. U-Won’t Pay for Movers. U-Bribed Your Friends with Pizza to Help.

   So, if a $3.50 cheeseburger has 350 calories, 2 of them for $5 only has 500 calories, right?

   hope the next presidential debate starts with a handshake, instead of Trump grabbing Hillary by.........

   OK .... Since the latest Leaks and emails surfacing are proving the facts to be true ..... Perhaps it's time to watch the movie "Clinton Cash" on YooToob to see what kind of person you are really voting for.

   That moment when you hit the submit button and realize you just misspelled a word you went over 100x's with your 7 yr. olds spelling words.

   I'm allergic to photos of your cat.

   A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Then again, we'd eat less hot dogs if they were called "pig lips & horse nipple tubes".

   2 THINGS THAT DON'T MIX - Me and my ex

   There's no difference between instant maple & brown sugar oatmeal & an oatmeal & raisin cookie so screw the system, I'm eating the cookie.

   Casey #notguilty is like saying, I havn't eaten in the past week, when I ate a sandwitch 30 mins. ago..

   would be very surprised if some of my friends were missing tomorrow

   Ok , rapture already! Take me an leave Beiber, or vice versa, whatever !

   Feels sorry for the astronauts on the space station. If the world ends who will bring them supplies?

   Men see what women do, but they never know what women think while they are doing it.

   and the #1 reason a beer is better than a woman.....Its a beer!

   Happy Groundhogs Day. No way Phil is coming out of his hole today.....

   listening to Carole King tell him that she feels the Earth move under her feet and that it has something to do with when I'm around......does that mean she thinks I'm fat?

   Attention fuels immaturity.

   Bartering goods for sex is prostitution but today its ok? Happy Valentine's Day!!!

   in the same place he was 10 minutes ago.