Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   White House, Republican. Senate: 52% Republican. House: 54% Republican. Yet, Trump blames the Democrats for his failure? Does anyone not see the stupidity in this???

   The best thing about my wife's bj..... The five minutes of silence

   I would send thoughts and prayers, but I would rather vote and send better politicians...

   Woman are the only creatures to defly the laws of gravity. The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

   Harry and Meghan have started an online poll to allow the British public to suggest the name of the new royal infant. The current front-runner is Princey McPrinceFace.

   My daughter was eating a snack cake while her mother gave her a haircut. I said, "You're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She said, "I know, daddy. And I'm gonna get b00bies too!"

   I like my Covid viruses like I like my women...19 and spreads easily.

   China 🇨🇳 Just Released The Name Of The Person Who Had The First Coronavirus.. Ah Chu

   OK, OK. I'm sorry I yelled "Get a room!" when your grandmother was hugging your grandfather's casket.

   Donald Trump "has accepted a relationship with Christ". No word yet on if he plans on leaving him for a younger, prettier messiah.

   Are you crying because you are fat or because you're hungry again?

   Donald Trump is starting a petition to stop the sale of pre-shredded cheese. He’s very serious about trying to make the USA grate again.

   she was only a wrestler's daughter but you should have seen her box.

   We broke free from England to elect a sociopathic reality star or a compulsively lying epitome of PMS for President. Bang up job, America.

   In the new woke version, The Terminator is a woman. Her line is, "I should be back but I don't know, I'll see how my day goes."

   Love is...never having to say “wrong hole”

   Last night my refrigerator opened my bedroom door, walked in and stood there and stared at me for a few minuntes, then left and closed the door

   Last night I awoke to a warm gentle rain on my face........and then I realized I was sleeping on the bottom bunk......................

   "If you can dream it, you can do it." Walt Disney

   MAN! Are they EVER going to catch that Phil Dirt guy? I've been seeing wanted signs for him for YEARS.