Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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They say lifes a b1tch and then you die. I say lifes great. The only b1tch thing about it is dying. 
What a night...can't remember a thing...why is there waffle house syrup in the bed..the lingerie hanging from the chandelier is hot! but, umm, where are the girls? were there....any...girls here last night????
wonders....with the largest memory chip, if the iPad will be nicnamed the "MaxiPad."
spraying aerosol cans in an effort to speed up this so called global warming.
doesn't think that it was ever Benjamin Franklin's intention for us to give up an hour on a Saturday night... What's wrong with giving up the hour on Monday?
When I was a child I would confuse a.m. and p.m. Now that I'm in college its happening all over again.
Hey, I don't like cocaine... I just like the way it smells.
I love animals, especially with veg and gravy....
seeing a women breast feeding is like seeing an eclipse, its rare, its beautiful... but what ever you do, dont stare at it...
the best thing about Valentines day is...half price chocolate Tuesday!
in a relationship with herself and its complicated..
Home School curriculum: sock folding,vaccuming,dish washing,laundry,child slavery at it's best.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
A study says that talking on cell phones while crossing the street can be dangerous for elderly people. Especially when it takes all their concentration to even figure out who they are talking to.
Just got my ass kicked pretty bad ...man I'll never shadow box again
This is the kind of heat that causes Rob Thomas and Santana to collaborate.
I just want to see one serial killer yell "you're on Scare Tactics!" then finish the job!
You say you hate him but you constantly think of him, re-read his messages & check his FB profile.
Why is it we know we have the right to remain silent... But never do it?
Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs… since the payment is pure love. 