Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
←Rate | 07-30-2010 14:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...and buying sushi from 7-11 wasn't even the worst I made decision today
←Rate | 08-04-2010 03:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Running with scissors. Take that society.
←Rate | 10-25-2010 11:18 by abbybaby34bc Comments (0)  


   messageicon polishing up the ole' Festivus Pole
←Rate | 12-11-2010 18:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not anti-social. I'm just not user-friendly.
←Rate | 12-23-2010 15:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went to Walmart today. Now I know why lions eat their young.
←Rate | 01-15-2011 12:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wow! She has a nice pair of golden globes!!
←Rate | 01-17-2011 05:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon sticks and stones my break my bones, but...ahhhh he!! what did you just say B!t@h! ?
←Rate | 01-27-2011 00:33 by Diana Comments (0)  


   messageicon so old that I can remember when colonel sanders was a private
←Rate | 01-21-2010 12:57 by mister peepers Comments (0)  


   messageicon 70% of my life is composed of Work and 40% learning proper mathematics.
←Rate | 01-28-2010 17:47 by Kitty ♥ Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to let you be the judge...and I'm the case
←Rate | 01-28-2010 18:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. I just did 15 push ups. True story!
←Rate | 02-22-2010 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon had breakfast in bed. Two rolls and a turnover.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 21:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Perforation is a rip-off!
←Rate | 03-04-2010 21:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ┌∩┐(◣..◢)┌∩┐ father time.....for running fast when I want you to run slow(fri sat sun) and running slow when I need you to run fast(mon-fri 7am-3 pm) I lost track of 10 hours today.
←Rate | 03-14-2010 01:14 by Dj Sin Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have no problem expressing my feelings. *loads shotgun*
←Rate | 03-25-2014 15:15 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
←Rate | 04-22-2014 13:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good news for all the ladies that felt out this Mothers Day...I am extending my offer for an additional 30 Days... One free insemination! your place or mine...now open 24/7...guaranteed satisfaction..Ladies don't be left out next Mothers Day...get knocked
←Rate | 05-12-2014 14:16 by bradley Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just doing what the beer tells me to.
←Rate | 12-16-2014 07:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon She lost me at, " I'm going for the Seahawks!"
←Rate | 02-01-2015 19:40 by Rollen Comments (0)  




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