Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
N*gger is now the white man's kryptonite 
I saw a U.F.O at a football game the other night. It was just hangin there! And then it sent me a message,in big bright shiny letters. It told me I was gonna have a good year.
I'm much more bothered by what Hillary has DONE than by what Trump has Said!
Of all the things I pictured happening to me today, accidentally giving myself a facial while m@turb@ting was no where on that list.
I don't understand some people. It's Black Friday. I just passed a black family at Costco. I shook the father's hand and wished them all a Happy Holiday. The father asked me what's wrong with me.
rated E for everyone.
BREAKING NEWS: Two cars had an accident in Mexico. 40 people died
Happy 11 White History Months
I go to a Weight Watchers meeting. I dump out a carton of Whoppers malted Milk Balls on the floor. The next thing you know, I'm watching a live version of the Hungry Hungry Hippos game.
State of the Union Drinking Game: Take a shot every time Obama says, "Let me be clear" or "Make no mistake" ...Have an ambulance standing by.
Bibles arent allowed in schools anymore but are encouraged in prisons. If kids were allowed to read it at school, they may not end up in pison.
My extremely gåy friend had an 80′s themed costume party. I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.
havingtrou blewithhis spacebar.
That wonderful feeling when your anus itches and your fart vibrates just enough to satisfy the itch...
fresh out of batteries but still making noise
Guys that watch Jersey Shore are gay.
BREAKING NEWS!! Hillary will not be running for Prez in 2016 due to the brain tumor found during her recent colonoscopy!
If I died and went to Hell, it would take me at least a week to figure out I wasn't at work anymore.
If we elect Donald Trump for president, there will be hell toupee...
Today's random act of kindness: feeding pepperoni slices to our vegan neighbour's toddler, through the mail slot. 