Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My extremely gåy friend had an 80′s themed costume party. I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.

   havingtrou blewithhis spacebar.

   That wonderful feeling when your anus itches and your fart vibrates just enough to satisfy the itch...

   fresh out of batteries but still making noise

   Guys that watch Jersey Shore are gay.

   BREAKING NEWS!! Hillary will not be running for Prez in 2016 due to the brain tumor found during her recent colonoscopy!

   If I died and went to Hell, it would take me at least a week to figure out I wasn't at work anymore.

   If we elect Donald Trump for president, there will be hell toupee...

   Today's random act of kindness: feeding pepperoni slices to our vegan neighbour's toddler, through the mail slot.

   If you’re driving down the road alone with your gloves and mask on, you don’t need that Biden sticker. We already know.

   If Melania was a Democrat, she would be on the cover of every magazine and hailed by the media for her grace, language and beauty.

   Ever take a dump so big your pants fit better?

   so ready for that all important holiday coming up, don't forget monday is the presidents day mattress sale

   I walk away from auto-flush toilets like movie stars walk away from explosions

   I'm confused...someone just said the disco queen died, but John Travolta appears to still be alive.

   found out the reason for our mild Winter....Someone removed the duct tape from Al Gores "pie hole!"

   50% of Trump supporters are Deplorable, BUT 50% of Hillary supporters are DEPORTABLE !

   Man talking with his friend: "My wife died yesterday, I'm trying to cry but tears are not coming out, what should I do?" Friend: "That's simple. Just imagine she is coming back."

   911 what’s your emergency? Me: My Wife keeps pointing a flashlight at me!! 911: How is that an emergency? Me: It’s attached to her gun!!!

   Even if Hillary becomes president, Michelle Obama still beats Bill Clinton as the First Man in the White House.