Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Woke up screaming Sunday morning. My apologies to everyone at church...

   I wonder how many Clinton supporters are going to start wearing the same type of orange jump suite as their beloved leader.

   Of all the game show hosts, Trump seems to be the last one you'd vote for. I like Drew Carey, Alex Trebek or Steve Harvey better

   Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

   Our local pharmacy was robbed of 60 bottles of Viagara today. Police say the suspect is a hardened criminal.

   says roses are red, violets are blue, you're my facebook friend, but I don't like you.

   wondering if the city of Pittsburgh is proud that Ben Roethlisberger has the same number of superbowl wins as he does rape accusations?!

   Keep talking........ I always yawn when I'm interested.

   I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful...I look at you.. I.. I... I'd rather look at the moon again.. ;)

   What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

   Freaking mosquito bite on my ankle, I would have rather got shot in the foot!

   Dont Drink and Ebay.. you'll surely get bankrupt

   Dear Mark Zuckerberg: Weren't you doing just fine without the irritating banner ads?

   California is suspending executions due to lethal drug shortage. Someone should talk to Texas. I bet they're storing their surplus in caves.

   about the time we make ends meet, someone moves the ends.

   there are no shortcuts to any place worth going...

   when you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

   never works on computers for free. I may or may not install well hidden software packages that harvest your emails, passwords and keystrokes. The odds of that happening are directly proportional to how much cash you pay. Cash or gossip, you pay.

   Why did some make a 'Piñata Endangerment Awareness' group on facebook??

   I have serious communication problems with vegetarians: they consider "food" something I consider only a pleasant interlude between a food and another food. I have problems, but at least I try; with abstainers is better not even try.