Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Aswe end week 2 of the lockdown, I wonder if OsamaBinLadin stuck in his house with 3 wives n kids decided to call in those Navy Seal himself

   My armpits smell like garlic bread. Me, flirting

   I want to be a pharmacist just so I can yell "Now take these suppositories and shove'em straight up your ars!"

   HER: Will you miss me? ME: Only if you run in a zig-zag pattern

   I’m pretty sure the most dangerous mixed drink is alcohol and Facebook

   Super Bowl LII: Patriots vs. Eagles. If it were any more patriotic, it'd be crapping fireworks out of it's end zone. 'Murica!

   Do necrophyliacs need dead batteries for their sex toys?

   I don't know if Anthony Weiner's weiner is that big but it's sure casts a very long shadow....

   If your name is Nancy and you get pregnant you will be pregnancy.

   2016 stop it with the great musicians. You know that Nickelback is still around!

   It's much better to wake up and go pee than to go pee and wake up

   Desert is different from Dessert. You can have as many desserts as you want, but you can only stand in one desert at a time, the english laungauge will get you every time. . .

   Happy Single's Discrimination Day. You'll be takiing matters in your own hands. Don't forget to clean up. . .. . .

   Yes, I'm Italian. But don't care about Sinatra, The Godfather or Al Pacino. I'm in it for the food.

   Luggage rack or cop car is the road trip game you hate to lose

   whoever you are. wherever you are. bring back our tupperware.

   The main ingredient in hand sanitizer is paranoia.

   Screw the government, let's all smoke weed this weekend

   ...... Liberals to the Left of me .... Republicans to the right ...... Here I am ..... Stuck in the middle with you ......

   LeBron James opted out of his contract but he re-signed for another 8 years of attention whoring.