Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 3346 of 6465

   messageicon I just bought the "Best of 2 Pac” CD and it's blank.
←Rate | 02-18-2018 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: Dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your ass smelling like lavender rain drops!
←Rate | 03-01-2018 14:07 by JohnY Comments (0)  


   messageicon What happens when 2 Egyptians pass gas at the same time? They have a toot in common.
←Rate | 01-19-2020 09:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can cook, clean, do my own laundry and grogery shop. I think I only need a woman for one thing. To let me know when I am wrong.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 14:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The same people who were making tiktok videos when quarantine started are the ones rioting now
←Rate | 06-01-2020 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q:How many games have the Kentucky Wildcats lost in their history? A: None... but they've been cheated out of a lot
←Rate | 02-13-2019 00:46 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Wait. No more deep-fried Twinkies at the fair? Now how am I supposed to kill myself??
←Rate | 11-18-2012 15:04 by Anita Dicken Comments (0)  


   messageicon The problem joining Scientology is that you just know they'll give Tom Cruise the best spaceship.
←Rate | 11-24-2012 11:33 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first thing I do when someone introduces themselves to me is forget what their name is
←Rate | 12-01-2012 06:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ur as fake as my Christmas tree
←Rate | 12-02-2012 23:07 by Skyyy♥ Comments (0)  


   messageicon December 7th, 1941. Never forget. I'm boycotting sushi.
←Rate | 12-07-2012 08:19 by Boo Hiss! Comments (0)  


   messageicon "X the number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of you action. :) "... People who post things like this are why I fear for our future.
←Rate | 04-19-2013 02:41 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I'm home getting hammered while she's out getting nailed.
←Rate | 04-19-2013 18:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And with the 6th pick in the 2013 NFL draft, the Cleveland Browns select Robert Denton ESQ, Defense attorney, Harvard.
←Rate | 04-26-2013 08:03 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon There needs to be a bar that delivers alcohol so they can reduce Getting arrested
←Rate | 05-02-2013 17:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon WARNING...If you are on my friends list and we have NEVER spoken to one another AND you don't bother to "like" one of my status updates... I am not gonna do sh*t.... because I am FAR too lazy.
←Rate | 05-02-2013 21:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon maybe vodka is addicted to ME
←Rate | 05-05-2013 20:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys in relationships would probably be happier if their girls would try blowing them more instead of everything out of proportion.
←Rate | 05-27-2013 10:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two's company, three sounds like fun.
←Rate | 05-28-2013 11:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon not all handsome guys have girlfriends. some of them had boyfriends.
←Rate | 06-01-2013 10:48 by LM Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left