Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Q:How many games have the Kentucky Wildcats lost in their history? A: None... but they've been cheated out of a lot

   4/26 Happy 48th birthday Melania

   What happens when 2 Egyptians pass gas at the same time? They have a toot in common.

   I can cook, clean, do my own laundry and grogery shop. I think I only need a woman for one thing. To let me know when I am wrong.

   The same people who were making tiktok videos when quarantine started are the ones rioting now

   Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

   I really hope somewhere there's a dentist whose slogan is "We'll fill your cavities. And maybe later we'll even work on your teeth!"

   I should run for political office to see what kind of shit they bring up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.

   National anthem of jamica isn't bob marley?

   Show me on your minivan where did your life go wrong and spiral out of control?!?.

   I should not be punished for you being stupid

   I love cooking for my man because it makes me feel both independent and oppressed at the same time.

   "X the number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of you action. :) "... People who post things like this are why I fear for our future.

   I'm home getting hammered while she's out getting nailed.

   And with the 6th pick in the 2013 NFL draft, the Cleveland Browns select Robert Denton ESQ, Defense attorney, Harvard.

   There needs to be a bar that delivers alcohol so they can reduce Getting arrested

   WARNING...If you are on my friends list and we have NEVER spoken to one another AND you don't bother to "like" one of my status updates... I am not gonna do sh*t.... because I am FAR too lazy.

   maybe vodka is addicted to ME

   Guys in relationships would probably be happier if their girls would try blowing them more instead of everything out of proportion.

   Two's company, three sounds like fun.