Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sending my regards to Seal. Hopefully, this won't scar him for life.

   McDonalds should have a 3rd window... that way you can return or trade the wrong stuff in the bag that you were given from the 2nd window!

   Glad the Kool Aid Man won a Grammy! Ohhhh that was Adele

   some woman want their man to be smart, dead drop gorgeouse, with colourful personality, who can listen to them, who'loves shopping n chick movies. Well ladies I hate to tell you but man like those<<< called GAY. Appriciate a guy for who he is.

   82 notifications later and I regret liking your status. :|

   If Hilary gets elected President, she'll be the biggest prez since Taft!!

   people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.

   a group of 5 white basketball players is called a "loss"

   I hope both teams lose.

   I'm really sorry that I haven't been around for the past few days. I've been out collecting money to buy a basketball team. So far, I've got $47.62 in checks, $2.50 in change, an IOU for $5, a Canadian penny and a button. I'm getting really excited

   A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back.

   I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren't we helping to find them?

   If you look in the mirror in the morning and see cellulite,crows feet,saggy boobs and bingo wings.. Don't worry at least we know our eyesight is ok

   You cannot steal a joke - if you don't want anybody to use it themselves, don't tell it to anybody.

   Blow me, I'm German...you can kiss the Irishman later.

   Guys, hear me out on this one.. A zombie outbreak could be prevented altogether if people were buried with their shoe laces tied together. Boom, you’re welcome.

   I went to an orphanage and not a single orphan was singing. I assume that's why they're still there.

   A real girlfriend loves & understands you, cares for you, accuses you of things you didn't do & tells you who you should be friends with.

   Hey, If I was an African American defendant and found out that the Judge in charge of my docket was associated with the Klan .... I too would definitely question his ability to judge my case.

   Here's another way to pi$$ off a liberal.. tell them to obey the immigration laws. . .