Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you make minimum wage and demand $15/hour, you are greatly overestimating your importance to an organization.

   People on Facebook do realize that dead people can't read their RIP shout outs, right?

   We've all met a child that makes us realize 'child abuse' began for a reason..

   The Obama Administration just created 100 million jobs @ Dell and Comcast by cutting power in India.

   found Waldo

   Okay, so you Republicans taking office, we all expect a complete economic turnaround in less than two years. Got it?

   has secretly replaced the Parmesan cheese shaker with a used Pedi-Egg. Will her guests be able to tell the difference?

   I would have gone to Clooney's fundraiser for Obama, but I spent my last $40,000 on gas.......

   Sending my regards to Seal. Hopefully, this won't scar him for life.

   McDonalds should have a 3rd window... that way you can return or trade the wrong stuff in the bag that you were given from the 2nd window!

   Glad the Kool Aid Man won a Grammy! Ohhhh that was Adele

   some woman want their man to be smart, dead drop gorgeouse, with colourful personality, who can listen to them, who'loves shopping n chick movies. Well ladies I hate to tell you but man like those<<< called GAY. Appriciate a guy for who he is.

   82 notifications later and I regret liking your status. :|

   If Hilary gets elected President, she'll be the biggest prez since Taft!!

   people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.

   a group of 5 white basketball players is called a "loss"

   I hope both teams lose.

   I'm really sorry that I haven't been around for the past few days. I've been out collecting money to buy a basketball team. So far, I've got $47.62 in checks, $2.50 in change, an IOU for $5, a Canadian penny and a button. I'm getting really excited

   A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back.

   I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren't we helping to find them?