Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ghetto word of the day : Omelet I shoulda slapped da fu*k outta yo a$$ but omelet dat sh!t slide dis time! 

   If you make minimum wage and demand $15/hour, you are greatly overestimating your importance to an organization.

   People on Facebook do realize that dead people can't read their RIP shout outs, right?

   We've all met a child that makes us realize 'child abuse' began for a reason..

   The Obama Administration just created 100 million jobs @ Dell and Comcast by cutting power in India.

   found Waldo

   Okay, so you Republicans taking office, we all expect a complete economic turnaround in less than two years. Got it?

   has secretly replaced the Parmesan cheese shaker with a used Pedi-Egg. Will her guests be able to tell the difference?

   I would have gone to Clooney's fundraiser for Obama, but I spent my last $40,000 on gas.......

   Sending my regards to Seal. Hopefully, this won't scar him for life.

   Glad the Kool Aid Man won a Grammy! Ohhhh that was Adele

   McDonalds should have a 3rd window... that way you can return or trade the wrong stuff in the bag that you were given from the 2nd window!

   some woman want their man to be smart, dead drop gorgeouse, with colourful personality, who can listen to them, who'loves shopping n chick movies. Well ladies I hate to tell you but man like those<<< called GAY. Appriciate a guy for who he is.

   82 notifications later and I regret liking your status. :|

   If Hilary gets elected President, she'll be the biggest prez since Taft!!

   people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.

   a group of 5 white basketball players is called a "loss"

   I hope both teams lose.

   I'm really sorry that I haven't been around for the past few days. I've been out collecting money to buy a basketball team. So far, I've got $47.62 in checks, $2.50 in change, an IOU for $5, a Canadian penny and a button. I'm getting really excited

   A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back.