Funny Status Messages
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Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-laws peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. 
There is no such thing as being underdressed when you're going to Wal-Mart.
watching It's Complicated and thinking it's really not that complicated. Meryl Streep is sleeping with her married ex- husband Alec Baldwin and at the same time her Architect Steve Martin.I think I got it figured out..
...Today's Random English Tip: Remember, it's 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser, where it's 'e' before 'i', and then several 'p's afterward...
Lindsay Lohan is due to be released from jail after only 5 days. The other top story, on Wall Street drug and alcohol stocks soared.
My friend told me they wouldn't mind trying human meat if the opportunity presented itself. Soooo, Guess who I'm not hanging out with anymore...
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
do eggplants have salmenella??
The quiet evening in didn't sound that promising until I realized I have beer in the fridge!
wonders.....have you ever had one of those days that all you can do is smile, sing, dance and and yell from from the mountain tops how good life is??? Well, today certainly wasn't one of those days for me....
WARNING! As of Friday, Facebook will automatically start dragging the Earth into the Sun. To change this option, go to Settings > Planetary Settings > Trajectory, then UNCLICK the box that says "Apocalypse." Facebook kept this one quiet. Copy and pa
still looking for his future mother-in-law with only one very nice and sexy daugther
knows there are things money can't buy. But Ticketmaster is working on ways to charge you for them.
Why do they call it common sense if it's so rare?
if it's not worth breaking the BYU honor code then it's not worth doing
The awkward moment when Jimmy Kimmel realizes he's kissed a crack head...
There's a distinct difference between power walking for fitness and power walking because you have to use the bathroom.
One of the hardest things in life to learn, is which bridge to cross and which to burn.!!!
found the hidden toilet paper in the bathroom. Saved my ass!
i can take any amount of pain ecxept for stubbing my toe thats worse then chinese torture. 