Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I Love The Taste Of Water...Especially If It Has Barley,Yeast,Hops,and Sugar Added To It and Left In A Little Dark Brown Bottle In A Cool Celler For A Few Months.

   "... okay, if it's a girl, we'll name her Serena Williams but if it's a boy we'll call him, Serena Williams..."

   I am bacon level happy.

   Walking away from a senseless arguments, makes sense to me!

   Hey ladies who say you like it when a man chokes you during sex. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he is just checking for an Adam’s apple?

   I have been thoroughly researching the native Potatoes of Couch and have become part of their tribe.

   Well I guess it's ,,,," No more Mr. Nice-Guy "...... ~ Mr Nice Guy's eulogy

   Everyone seems Normal until you get to know them!!!

   May the best drugs win..... London2012

   It's really very simple; I will love you unconditionally as long as you just do everything I say.

   Ladies: Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to talk about sports, food, or sex. Not in that particular order either.

   I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I didn't know that you have any.

   Listen Bob,,, You're indispensable. Just like the last guy we fired.

   I think my mind has lost me.

   While outside jogging nothing will help you burn even more calories than getting hit by the runs... I think I just broke bolts track record!

   No one is ever bored enough to start studying.

   My wife says I treat her like a child. ha kids these days

   Do Australians refer to the rest of the world as "up-over"?

   I’d like to have a word with you. The word is sex.

   People who say I need to go out more often need to shut up more often