Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ever notice how trying to give your heart to someone who doesn't want it is alot like trying to give medicine to an infant?

   Girls we love for what they are; men for what they promise to be.

   I'm my best friend, and I'm my worst enemy

   Octomom we don't care about your body, how are you spending my mony on your kids?

   Eating Ramen Noodles with a spoon is like going the speed limit, sounds like a good idea but won't get you very far.

   akin it all day thinkin "dang I must look good today, everybodys checkin me out"! Come to find out...I've had a half eaten candy cane stuck to my butt all day... thanks kids!

   Picking up dog poo in the dark is like playing the worst kind of Where's Waldo imaginable

   Somehow, my inner beauty's not increasing my confidence when I'm walking into the sauna.

   Its gonna be one of those days... I just got up and missed the floor

   Gin makes you Sin. And it's also an easier word to rhyme than vodka or bourbon.

   GOING CHEAP,!!! all docking stations for iphone 4,,,

   Keep your head high and your middle finger higher!

   I know there's no such thing as evolution because if there was my Facebook page would've grown a "punch" button by now.

   I don't miss anyone from the past... not even me.

   Remember to smile at your enemies. It makes you the bigger person, plus your smile will be prettier than their frown. They hate that.

   Well I guess it's ,,,," No more Mr. Nice-Guy "...... ~ Mr Nice Guy's eulogy

   Everyone seems Normal until you get to know them!!!

   May the best drugs win..... London2012

   It's really very simple; I will love you unconditionally as long as you just do everything I say.

   Ladies: Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to talk about sports, food, or sex. Not in that particular order either.