Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Father's Day Then And Now: In 1911, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

   Saving a file as "dyjjyggffj", because I'm too lazy to write a proper name.

   I just realized that I'll never see a genuine ninja...because if I do, it wasn't.

   Who are all these people judging me? They should be arrested for practising law without a degree.

   What I resent most about 2011 : No Jetson Backpacks

   For once I would like to bring sexy back....from the bar.

   When it all said and done there will be nothing left to say or do.

   I have a gf? Yeah so? Soccer has a goalie doesn't mean I can't score!!

   MySpace and Facebook got a divorce... Looks like Facebook got custody of all the kids.

   Hmmm....not quite sure who I'm doing this weekend yet.

   There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

   My life's motto: "Live every week as if its shark week"

   sir, you can't take that unopened bottle of diet coke on the plane because it could be a bomb... just go put it in that garbage can over there with all the other could-be-bombs.

   "He broke my heart I broke his xbox <3 :))" ...Right. Things like this are probably why he broke up with you in the first place.

   ❒Single ❒Taken ✔My right hand.

   Going half way across the state this morning, and you know what that means...this truck is now a rolling karaoke machine.

   I don't think Chumbawumba is getting back up this time.

   My neighbor is opening a pig farm... Just caught wind of it today.

   Do people believe in birth control these days?

   My Indian stripper name is Dances With Daddy Issues.