Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Try NOT. Do…or do not. There is no try. ~ Master Yoda (Star Wars)

   ✓ Adolf Hitler ✓ Saddam Hussein, ✓ Osama Bin Laden, ☐ Waldo, ☐ Carmen Sandiego

   If a girl says she's different from other girls 7 times out of 10 she's a transvestite...

   was really hoping the rapture would have taken away all the people that believed the rapture was going to take them away.

   In dog beer I've only had one

   We don't go to high school to find our husband, but to find our bridesmaids.

   Father's Day Then And Now: In 1911, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

   Saving a file as "dyjjyggffj", because I'm too lazy to write a proper name.

   I just realized that I'll never see a genuine ninja...because if I do, it wasn't.

   Who are all these people judging me? They should be arrested for practising law without a degree.

   What I resent most about 2011 : No Jetson Backpacks

   For once I would like to bring sexy back....from the bar.

   When it all said and done there will be nothing left to say or do.

   I have a gf? Yeah so? Soccer has a goalie doesn't mean I can't score!!

   MySpace and Facebook got a divorce... Looks like Facebook got custody of all the kids.

   Hmmm....not quite sure who I'm doing this weekend yet.

   There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

   My life's motto: "Live every week as if its shark week"

   sir, you can't take that unopened bottle of diet coke on the plane because it could be a bomb... just go put it in that garbage can over there with all the other could-be-bombs.

   "He broke my heart I broke his xbox <3 :))" ...Right. Things like this are probably why he broke up with you in the first place.