Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Who needs moving boxes? OH, that's right...the Obamas do.

   Safety pins are for diapers, full of crap

   Dear Misandry. At the height of women workers in WWII it was only 2.2 million out of 103 million jobs. That is 2%. We talking german or asian is a feminist lie. Learn your history.

   They should change the name of Facebook to “whineonline”

   "you da bomb" - " No you da bomb" In America - a compliment. In the middle East - an argument.

   I'm thinking of hiring Michael Cohen as my lawyer. He only has three clients and apparently he works for free. He doesn't take money from anyone.

   It's hotter than a cup of McDonald's coffee in an old lady's crotch today.

   Donald Trump said he doesn't trust anyone with a foreign sounding name, and neither does his daughter "Ivanka."

   The poor grammar I see displayed on practically every FB post indicates that home schooling is is going to have disastrous results.

   thinks the best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

   If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose

   signatures are the leading cause of divorce in this country.

   So, Terrelle Pryor gets suspended, but Cam Newton gets a Heisman? Oh, ok, that's fair

   One of the most exciting things about life is not knowing what's next.

   Facebook: the place where you are a nice person when you add someone and become an ***hole when you delete them.

   Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

   driving the Hummer on Earth Day!!

   So is this where I'm supposed to type a heartfelt sentence, or a quote or something describing how I feel and stuff? Cool, mine's far more complicated to be typed here.

   I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that

   In every Red Lobster tank, there's one lobster who says: "You guys are so paranoid! It's great here! I love the view!"