Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3029 of 6446

Trick your neighbors into thinking that you’re a werewolf, by sleeping naked in their garden.
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10-23-2017 21:12
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Ghetto Winnie the Pooh would probably say, “Tigger please.”
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01-14-2018 22:50
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Lost my chapstick today, but a few hours later I found one on the floor of a men’s room at an interstate rest-area. Looks like my luck is finally turning around.
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02-06-2020 14:08
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Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at a time
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05-04-2020 13:11 by Rickster
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Weekend plans: Driving around downtown throwing Big Macs at girls with a thigh gap...... *bonus points for getting it into the thigh gap.
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08-11-2016 18:34 by Snotty
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Hillary wears them long pant suits because she dosent have the typical "Camel Toe". She has what some people call "Moose Foot"
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08-13-2016 18:00
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Updated Nursery Rhyme: Mary had a Chevy truck, it was so very slow, and everywhere that Mary went, her truck would need a tow.
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08-14-2016 01:26
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Hillary isn't the first woman to say I'm deplorable, and probably won't be the last

What's the appropriate snack for watching the series finale of America? Heck, it did have a good 240 year run.
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10-12-2016 04:39
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Why did my wife cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three hours ago.

Just tried to kill a roach with Axe Body Spray, now it's name is Brett and he won't shut up about crossfit.
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10-18-2016 20:04
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Madonna's actual offer, since her affair with A-Rod, is "Free Herpes to everyone who votes for Hillary!"
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10-20-2016 03:57 by Jiffy Pop
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Thighland a country or an awesome strip joint?
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08-07-2020 14:02
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Trick-or-treating has been canceled, so this Halloween I will be giving out advice.
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10-30-2020 13:09
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In the next verse of the song, the mother of the 5 Little Monkeys receives a massive doctor’s bill.
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11-02-2020 10:01
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wow, already December? Time flies when you've been drunk since March
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12-02-2020 10:52 by remy911
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I cannot afford to get my wife a new Lexus for Christmas so I’ll be tying a red ribbon on a pair of Sketchers and setting them in the driveway.
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12-09-2020 09:41
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Ya all complained about Jlo at the Superbowl snl look what you got, Jock strap Face
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02-09-2021 07:26
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wife: did the stimulus hit our bank account yet me: *surrounded by 237 Crunchwrap supreme wrappers* n-no
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03-23-2021 08:10
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The clinton emails can't be that bad....Aaaaand they're trafficking children.
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11-05-2016 22:02
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