Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Trick your neighbors into thinking that you’re a werewolf, by sleeping naked in their garden.
←Rate | 10-23-2017 21:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ghetto Winnie the Pooh would probably say, “Tigger please.”
←Rate | 01-14-2018 22:50 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Lost my chapstick today, but a few hours later I found one on the floor of a men’s room at an interstate rest-area. Looks like my luck is finally turning around.
←Rate | 02-06-2020 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at a time
←Rate | 05-04-2020 13:11 by Rickster Comments (0)  


   messageicon Weekend plans: Driving around downtown throwing Big Macs at girls with a thigh gap...... *bonus points for getting it into the thigh gap.
←Rate | 08-11-2016 18:34 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hillary wears them long pant suits because she dosent have the typical "Camel Toe". She has what some people call "Moose Foot"
←Rate | 08-13-2016 18:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Updated Nursery Rhyme: Mary had a Chevy truck, it was so very slow, and everywhere that Mary went, her truck would need a tow.
←Rate | 08-14-2016 01:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hillary isn't the first woman to say I'm deplorable, and probably won't be the last
←Rate | 09-19-2016 21:19 by rwconspirator Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the appropriate snack for watching the series finale of America? Heck, it did have a good 240 year run.
←Rate | 10-12-2016 04:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why did my wife cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three hours ago.
←Rate | 10-17-2016 11:14 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just tried to kill a roach with Axe Body Spray, now it's name is Brett and he won't shut up about crossfit.
←Rate | 10-18-2016 20:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Madonna's actual offer, since her affair with A-Rod, is "Free Herpes to everyone who votes for Hillary!"
←Rate | 10-20-2016 03:57 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thighland a country or an awesome strip joint?
←Rate | 08-07-2020 14:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trick-or-treating has been canceled, so this Halloween I will be giving out advice.
←Rate | 10-30-2020 13:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the next verse of the song, the mother of the 5 Little Monkeys receives a massive doctor’s bill.
←Rate | 11-02-2020 10:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wow, already December? Time flies when you've been drunk since March
←Rate | 12-02-2020 10:52 by remy911 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cannot afford to get my wife a new Lexus for Christmas so I’ll be tying a red ribbon on a pair of Sketchers and setting them in the driveway.
←Rate | 12-09-2020 09:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ya all complained about Jlo at the Superbowl snl look what you got, Jock strap Face
←Rate | 02-09-2021 07:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wife: did the stimulus hit our bank account yet me: *surrounded by 237 Crunchwrap supreme wrappers* n-no
←Rate | 03-23-2021 08:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The clinton emails can't be that bad....Aaaaand they're trafficking children.
←Rate | 11-05-2016 22:02 Comments (0)  




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