Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Wondering why The Muppets have large protruding eyes. But then again, I realised that if I had a hand up my bum, my eyes would probably protrude too.

   I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog's not housetrained.

   I get ENOUGH exercise pushing my luck! ;)

   Why are some parents hypocritical..."don't lie to me or I'll tell SAnta on you"

   Old enough to know better. Young enough not to care!

   if stupidity was music you would be a one man band!!!

   I'm about as motivated as a Denny's employee.

   Having it all together is not my style.

   Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.

   Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due..

   where there is a Will,there are 500 relatives!

   best all time combos...peanut butter and jelly, ham and cheese, batman and robin...ALCOHOL AND FIREWORKS!

   "You shouldn't compare yourself to others they are more screwed up than you think."

   Computer games don't effect kids, I mean if Pac-Man affected kids, we'll all be around darkened rooms munching magic pills, listening to repetitive electronic music.

   My definition of urgent and yours must be different. Answer this, IS IT ON FIRE?

   I may have been born without the "wait, you shouldn't do that!" gene.

   Brett Favre retired today, I'm not Worried about it too much. It's kinda like when Snoop Dog quit's weed. It really means nothing."

   a true smarta$$ and can be quite b*tchy at times too - but it's my natural defense against stupidity!

   I was watching 20/20 and they had a feature called "Bait Car" where people attempt to steal the car but the doors lock and the engine shuts off. I wonder if they sell a "Date Car?"

   Does running out of money count as exercise?