Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3020 of 6446

Wondering why The Muppets have large protruding eyes. But then again, I realised that if I had a hand up my bum, my eyes would probably protrude too.

I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog's not housetrained.
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09-12-2010 11:28 by Aaron
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I get ENOUGH exercise pushing my luck! ;)
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09-15-2010 15:59 by Heather26
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Why are some parents hypocritical..."don't lie to me or I'll tell SAnta on you"
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09-21-2010 02:55 by Eddy
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Old enough to know better. Young enough not to care!
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09-24-2010 17:26 by prkrngr27
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if stupidity was music you would be a one man band!!!
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09-29-2010 17:19
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I'm about as motivated as a Denny's employee.

Having it all together is not my style.

Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
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10-19-2010 02:13 by PL
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Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due..
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06-29-2010 08:43
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where there is a Will,there are 500 relatives!
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07-01-2010 22:36
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best all time combos...peanut butter and jelly, ham and cheese, batman and robin...ALCOHOL AND FIREWORKS!
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07-04-2010 18:06
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"You shouldn't compare yourself to others they are more screwed up than you think."
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07-14-2010 16:28
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Computer games don't effect kids, I mean if Pac-Man affected kids, we'll all be around darkened rooms munching magic pills, listening to repetitive electronic music.
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07-23-2010 00:45 by savio
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My definition of urgent and yours must be different. Answer this, IS IT ON FIRE?
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07-30-2010 14:58
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I may have been born without the "wait, you shouldn't do that!" gene.
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07-31-2010 11:10
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Brett Favre retired today, I'm not Worried about it too much. It's kinda like when Snoop Dog quit's weed. It really means nothing."

a true smarta$$ and can be quite b*tchy at times too - but it's my natural defense against stupidity!
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08-05-2010 08:43
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I was watching 20/20 and they had a feature called "Bait Car" where people attempt to steal the car but the doors lock and the engine shuts off. I wonder if they sell a "Date Car?"
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08-19-2010 22:46
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Does running out of money count as exercise?
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06-29-2013 09:42 by Griff
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