Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Wondering why The Muppets have large protruding eyes. But then again, I realised that if I had a hand up my bum, my eyes would probably protrude too.

   I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog's not housetrained.

   I get ENOUGH exercise pushing my luck! ;)

   Why are some parents hypocritical..."don't lie to me or I'll tell SAnta on you"

   Old enough to know better. Young enough not to care!

   if stupidity was music you would be a one man band!!!

   I'm about as motivated as a Denny's employee.

   Having it all together is not my style.

   Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.

   I know that you don't understand but I think it's cute that you're trying.

   remember the old steam pipes in school making noise as they would heat up....bet that is like the sound of dial up internet to kids today..

   Make yourself at home... clean my kitchen.

   Feels like tap dancing on someone's face with golf shoes on..

   Carrot cakes sounds like it shouldn't be a real thing

   it's time to break out the kiddie pool and fill it with cranberry sauce.... Time for Bubba and Sis to fight over that turkey leg Springer-style. Gotta love Family Thanksgiving Traditions....

   Sorry, my social calender is full this weekend. Going to a HoeDown, a Shindig and a Hootenanny.

   Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due..

   where there is a Will,there are 500 relatives!

   best all time combos...peanut butter and jelly, ham and cheese, batman and robin...ALCOHOL AND FIREWORKS!

   "You shouldn't compare yourself to others they are more screwed up than you think."