Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'm dving behind someone who is obviously scared of his gas pedal.
←Rate | 09-17-2010 19:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor pays for the premium channels.
←Rate | 09-21-2010 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so happy Facebook wasn't around when I was in high school.
←Rate | 09-23-2010 16:57 by badd status Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found out that I've been on double secret probation for quite sometime now.
←Rate | 10-09-2010 20:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the heart has reasons to say things that the brain will never understand
←Rate | 11-06-2010 18:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon kiss my asprin
←Rate | 11-13-2010 18:35 by Juan\' Javier Comments (1)  


   messageicon going to set up a dating website for pyromanics and call it mymatchbook
←Rate | 11-15-2010 15:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone says "I'll think about it," they're just trying to get you to stop talking. Also, the answer is "no."
←Rate | 11-21-2010 08:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon So my teenage kids can just about do anything with a any phone or computer or camera. When I was that age I thought I was cool because I had a new cordless phone that stored 10 numbers, and I could sit outside with it within distance
←Rate | 11-23-2010 11:22 by Kim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is the 2nd day of the rest of your life. Sorry yesterday was the 1st day. Didn't you get the memo?
←Rate | 12-11-2013 12:25 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have a frownie eat a brownie -My Grandma
←Rate | 12-14-2013 13:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I crammed 3 Christmas' s in 3 States within 2 days! I don't know how Santa does it!!!
←Rate | 12-27-2013 08:53 by eakes.connie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have so many different drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it..,,........Addictionary.
←Rate | 02-01-2014 09:12 by Nipper Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would like to see a soccer player play real football and a real football player play soccer and see who cries first.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 10:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would pick up a hitchhiker wearing an "I Heart Murder" t-shirt before I'd pick up a call from a blocked number.
←Rate | 12-22-2014 13:14 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon This has been the worst Monday since last Monday.
←Rate | 03-23-2015 19:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the government can record anything anytime from your cell phone camera. They have a lot of footage of me pooping.
←Rate | 03-27-2015 20:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My first attempt as body piercing was the time I tried to squat with spurs on.
←Rate | 03-31-2015 16:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say candles add a sensual ambiance, this my explain why I become aroused when I see a birthday cake
←Rate | 04-02-2015 16:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It turns out that using bowel grease is messier than using elbow grease ... damn dyslexia.
←Rate | 04-06-2015 18:15 Comments (0)  




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