MWC Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes when you cry, no one see's your tears. Sometimes when your in pain no one see's your hurt. Sometimes when your worried no one see's your stress. Sometimes when your happy no one see's your smile. But fart one time and the whole world knows.

   Now that the Confederate Flag has been removed that will stop all of the hate and murders in this country

   A woman can only run as fast as her boobs let her!

   So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I'm pretty sure it the refrigerator.

   My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel....

   If I had 10 nutter butter cookies and you took 5 away, what would you have...That's right, a black eye an a broke hand!

   It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!

   Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I'm behind you 100%

   30 years ago my wife got a tattoo of a horse head on her boob, it now looks like a giraffe

   People who say "If I disappeared, no one would notice" are wrong. If I saw someone vanish right in front of me I would FREAK OUT!

   Really no offense ladies,but why do all of you go on about your weight..then post all this food that would clog and artery...

   Oh and for all those polar bears are losing their homes because the earth is heating up people ..Tell the polar bears to bring their furry asses to Indiana they will feel right at home

   went to a shrink today. she says I have a split personality. Charged me 84.00. I paid her 42.00 and told her to get the rest from the other bi tch!

   Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder, where in the hell are the dream police!

   Starbuck really isn't that expensive, compared to what Victoria Secret charges per cup.

   Fergison Mo. BLACK FRIDAY GHETTO STYLE!!!!

   They should put Harriet Tubman on the EBT card instead

   Remember ladies; When men give women roses they expect Tulips in return.

   "‎"when I was a kid, I was terrified of ear wigs cause I thought they came outta your ears. just imagine when I found out about cockroaches!""

   As I get older I spend a lot more time thinking about the hereafter. Every time I enter a room, I have to stop and say, "Now what am I here after?"