JCGJ Funny Status Messages

   Dear 2016, for the love of all that's holy... Please take Donald Trump too..

   Hey, did you have a good time last night? It was Smurf-tacular! Yeah, I saw you leave with Smurfette. As we got out of the bar, she started smurfing me. Shut the Smurf up! Yeah! Right in the Smurfing parking lot? Smurf-Yeah! Oh! That is freaking Smurf

   But it's a Stress Ball, I thought I was suppose to throw it at who, or whatever was stressing me out . .when I seen the blue and red lights flashing, and that loud siren. . . .wait, wha? How am I suppose throw it with hand-cuffs.

   Christmas - The time of year when you can get the whole dysfunctional family together under one roof!

   Merry hammered people! I'm Christmas!

   I put in an URGENT REQUEST to Santa last night for a mirror so you can locate that STICK that's UP YOUR @$S and REMOVE IT!!

   With you, may the fourth be — Yoda

   Take my wife....... for example !!!

   Word on the street is, Cookie Monster has tested positive for COVID. It's the Om nom nom nomicron variant.

   Maaaaay The 4th Be With You

   Strong with this fourth day of may, the force is — Yoda

   In other news… Elon Musk is now going to also buy McDonald's so he can fix all the ice cream machines.

   I swear I can feel my brain buffering.

   Lotto Max is up to a full tank of gas and a buggy load of groceries.

   How am I supposed to explain Daylight Savings Time to my neighbors dog?

   Hello 911 a straight man is encouraging me to be my best self instead of bringing out the worst in me and idk what to do, send help.

   Don't honk at me asshole, I'm not on my phone. I missed the light change because I was trying to get that last french fry at the bottom of the box. 🍟 😒

   I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss. 😁

   20 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Jonny Cash – Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

   I swear I can feel my brain buffering... please hold while I load my next thought!