Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My dog is one of those trained to sniff drugs!..he's brilliant and can even roll up his own $20 bill.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 19:15 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I'm ever on life support, unplug me..... then plug me back in. See if that works.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 11:17 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just found out that сосk fighting is done with chickens? That's 12 months of training gone to waste!
←Rate | 09-21-2018 05:58 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon My last real fight was with a pizza box that wouldn't close.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 02:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you call a ghost bee? ...... A boo bee.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 00:18 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wouldn't do anything for a Klondike bar, but I would do some sketchy stuff for some coffee.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 23:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Shrekticles" because, you know....
←Rate | 09-20-2018 20:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How can you fill up a room with people without putting a single person in it? .......
←Rate | 09-20-2018 17:33 by Haha Comments (1)  

   messageicon Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything
←Rate | 09-20-2018 12:42 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chicken Pot Pie: my 3 favorite things.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 11:41 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Place an order with an energy saving catalogue co. for an economy efficient hair dryer. What I received was a bath towel.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 03:53 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Altzheimer's Centre prepares for a party to remember!
←Rate | 09-20-2018 02:45 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only good thing about inflation. It allows you to live in a more expensive neighborhood without having to move.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 02:14 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's an easy way to convert your sofa into a sofabed...... Forget the wife's birthday.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 02:09 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing. Boy did I learn that one the hard way.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 15:17 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Mama Cass Elliot would have turned 77 today. In fact, if she had shared that sandwich with Karen Carpenter they both might still be alive.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 09:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 08:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lobster tail and beer are three of my favorite things!
←Rate | 09-19-2018 08:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really didn't need to know that Toad thing from Mario Kart.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 08:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife and I have doggie style sex. I sit up and beg for it. And she rolls over and plays dead.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 04:30 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

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