Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My wife and I got one of those board games for couples to spice things up. It quickly turned into a game of Sorry, which led to me playing a game of Uno
←Rate | 01-18-2018 04:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone should invent an alarm clock that automatically reports you sick when you've pressed snooze 3 times
←Rate | 01-18-2018 04:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just wonder when they are going to post the videos of the new teen challenge "blow off your left leg challenge" or the new "decapitate yourself challenge"
←Rate | 01-18-2018 01:42 by Cyndi Comments (3)  

   messageicon Telling a female "you look just like my daughter" is not a very good pickup line to use, even to a pornstar.
←Rate | 01-17-2018 22:38 Comments (2)  

   messageicon When we first ment on a blind date my girlfriend wasn't that interested in me. Untill she saw me lick my eyebrows.
←Rate | 01-17-2018 21:02 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Somewhere in Michigan an 8-year-old boy farted half a beat before that meteor set off an earthquake. It was the greatest moment of his life.
←Rate | 01-17-2018 19:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There were no Tide pods back in my day....we just ate it by the scoop like maniacs
←Rate | 01-17-2018 18:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I mix my Tide Pods with Red Bull so I get the benefit of clean energy.......
←Rate | 01-17-2018 17:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are we really that bored and stupid as a country that the “Tide Pod Challenge “ is even a thing? Wtf
←Rate | 01-17-2018 12:49 by Cicci Comments (11)  

   messageicon Maybe, just maybe, if more teenagers got their mouths washed out with soap as a child by their parents, these idiots wouldn't be attempting a "Tide Pod Challenge" .....
←Rate | 01-17-2018 11:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Word of the day: Ididarod - Monica Lewinski's autobiography.
←Rate | 01-17-2018 08:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Common sense is so rare this days, it should almost be classified as a superpower
←Rate | 01-17-2018 03:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon World population :7,618,921,693. ­.... Just in case someone starts feeling too important
←Rate | 01-17-2018 03:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every office should have a Parliament mode, when you don't wanna work, start shouting and go home
←Rate | 01-17-2018 03:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Big moment here: I just finished building that gingerbread house for the holidays.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 21:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon OK, it's official. Tide Pods don't taste anywhere near as good as they look. (Don't ask me how I know this...)
←Rate | 01-16-2018 21:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No thanks. 5 hours of energy sounds way too upsetting.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 21:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon PLease don't talk to me about the weather. I recorded this season of The Weather Channel all week and haven't had time to watch it yet.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 21:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Back in my day we didn't have pods, we had Dry Powder, and we liked it.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 21:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mom raised me to believe saying "Shut up" was the worst thing you could say to someone, but I knew I could be so much more
←Rate | 01-16-2018 21:18 Comments (0)  

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