Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon So I asked her “what is that alluring perfume you’re wearing “ and she says “OFF Mosquito repellent “ Gets me every time!
←Rate | 07-14-2018 22:18 by Cicci Comments (0)  

   messageicon So Wikileaks is real now, or did is the 21 russian hackers reported today fake?
←Rate | 07-14-2018 22:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2 years ago: 12 russian intelligence hacking of DNC and Hillary Clinton and released to wikileaks. Fake news. Today: 12 russian intelligence officers indicted for hacking DNC and Hillary Clinton. W T F
←Rate | 07-14-2018 22:04 Comments (3)  

   messageicon You know you're getting old when you use the word "thingy" because you can't remember what things are called.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 22:00 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Egotistical trump breaks royal protocal by blocking queen Elizabeth at military inspection. Way to go DOTARD.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 18:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bought some Trump Diapers today. They were already full of Carp.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 18:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When did no dignity and no respect towards other people considered acceptable to the public?
←Rate | 07-14-2018 17:50 Comments (4)  

   messageicon What blood type does a pessimists have? ...... B negative.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 17:10 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon day 489 without sex: the demon I see in the corner of my room when I have sleep paralysis lookin kinda cute now
←Rate | 07-14-2018 13:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe if all 50 states legalized marijuana, we would all be handling this presidency much better.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 12:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a Father Nature, too, but all he's responsible for is the temperature.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 12:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not to brag, but in some circles I am known as “That chick who always knocks stuff over.”
←Rate | 07-14-2018 12:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the queen's butler announce that it was tea time. Trump said to the queen " Oh, You play golf too?
←Rate | 07-14-2018 02:48 Comments (9)  

   messageicon I am 32 yrs old. I just googled what "Gluten" was. I had no idea.....
←Rate | 07-13-2018 22:21 by JohnDeereUps Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone gave me a free pen without their knowledge today. Well, I took a pen.
←Rate | 07-13-2018 21:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey YouTube, just because I watched one Jimmy Kimmel clip doesn't mean I want to watch every show ever ...
←Rate | 07-13-2018 15:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Just rewards: Being the judge that willbe judging a hearing of your high school bully."
←Rate | 07-13-2018 02:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.
←Rate | 07-13-2018 01:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
←Rate | 07-13-2018 01:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What kind of psychopath scrambles their eggs in the pan rather than before they’re put in the pan?
←Rate | 07-13-2018 00:39 Comments (0)  

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