Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon A lot of southern states are celebrating Confederate Memorial day today(4/23) even though the official date is April 26. Confederate Memorial Day is a legal holiday observe in the southern states.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 15:58 Comments (5)  

   messageicon One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 13:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never judge a clown until you've walked a mile in his shoes!
←Rate | 04-23-2018 13:21 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Forgive me, for I have sinned. Same time tomorrow?
←Rate | 04-23-2018 13:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon does anyone remember when lol meant “laughing out loud” instead of “this is to indicate that this brief text isnt hostile”
←Rate | 04-23-2018 12:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In my defense, my wife's text asking me to "drop a load in the washing machine" was confusing.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 12:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon giving the recent plane accident, I bet now Mitt Romney realizes why the plane windows stay closed
←Rate | 04-23-2018 06:54 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Viagra is like Disney land, the both make you wait a hour for a three minute ride.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 05:51 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do woman and police cars have in common? The both make a lot of noise when they are coming.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 05:34 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Silence is your best responce when talking to an idiot
←Rate | 04-23-2018 03:55 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so ugly, when I play Mortal Combat, Scorpion tells me "Stay Over There!".
←Rate | 04-23-2018 01:41 by ClarkKent Comments (3)  

   messageicon "I stubbed my toe today. I'm not ready to share photos yet but I will keep you guys updated daily." - probably Carrie Underwood
←Rate | 04-23-2018 01:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mini Me was only 49. He lived a short life.
←Rate | 04-22-2018 22:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was little my parents told me I could be anything I wanted to be. Turns out they were identity thieves.
←Rate | 04-22-2018 20:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I stopped talking to myself because it's too much social stimulation
←Rate | 04-22-2018 20:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who needs an alarm clock? Giving mine away because my bladder is set permanently for 5:30AM.
←Rate | 04-22-2018 20:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon gettin extra faded in honor of mini me
←Rate | 04-22-2018 19:14 by Fadolo Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Jack Black and Jack White had a baby together, what name would they use?
←Rate | 04-22-2018 18:08 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon The pollen is so bad this year that the folks in the trailer parks are cooking their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
←Rate | 04-22-2018 17:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cheating on your wife is a sin. You people do know that, right? If you agree vote up, if not vote down. C0nservative poll only.
←Rate | 04-22-2018 14:17 Comments (6)  

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