santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas Tree by the lines of tape wrapped around the box it's stored in.
←Rate | 12-15-2019 19:17 by MiMisHouse Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas needs to be less commercialized so remember whose birthday it is.
←Rate | 12-15-2019 11:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Is it to early to break my new year's resolution or should I wait until after Christmas?
←Rate | 12-14-2019 11:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember children, the best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
←Rate | 12-14-2019 10:08 by MiMisHouse Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whelp I've finely reached the forth stage in life when at first as a kid I believed in Santa, then I didn't believe in Santa, then I dressed up like Santa, and now I am Santa.
←Rate | 12-14-2019 10:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We went to buy a Christmas tree last night. It's supposed to be fun, right? At the end of the night I was so crazy I put the tree in the backseat of the car and strapped my kid to the roof.
←Rate | 12-13-2019 06:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m dreaming of a White Christmas and yes I mean cocaine
←Rate | 12-13-2019 00:40 by kisstopher73 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I fell asleep reading my hard copy of "A Christmas Carol". The book slid off my lap and landed square on my big toe! Man, that hurt like the dickens.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 16:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you've ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you've seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 15:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *gives ex wife's next door neighbour a drum kit for Christmas*
←Rate | 12-12-2019 15:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Instead of sending friends Christmas cards, is it ok If I return the ones I got and just add the words "Me too"?
←Rate | 12-12-2019 15:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does anyone in this group know of an old couple or even a single old lady or man who will be eating alone this Christmas? I am having friends and relatives over and need to borrow a few chairs.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 11:11 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Not one of my normal posts. Bit more serious. If anybody knows of any lonely old people who will be eating Christmas dinner alone because they have no family or close friends, can they let me know, I need to borrow some chairs.
←Rate | 12-11-2019 12:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Christmas is less than two weeks away. I do most of my shopping online. But I hire someone to honk and scream obscenities at me while I'm doing it so I get the whole holiday shopping experience.
←Rate | 12-11-2019 10:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A new study found that 1 percent of men buy gifts for their loved ones at gas stations on Christmas Day. Nothing shows Christmas warmth like a nice bottle of top-shelf anti-freeze.
←Rate | 12-11-2019 10:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cashier: do you want cash back? Me: I mean who wouldn't. There's ring of fire, I walk the line. Let's not forget his christmas album
←Rate | 12-07-2019 08:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wasn't allowed to watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas" as a kid because of my Peanut allergy.
←Rate | 12-07-2019 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie why do I spend the holidays hiding in the vents of my workplace?
←Rate | 12-07-2019 08:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If anybody knows any lonely old people preparing to eat Christmas dinner alone? Please let me know as I need to borrow some chairs!
←Rate | 12-07-2019 07:20 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon To people who have Christmas lights flashing blue in their yard........ can you remove them? Every time I pass, I think it's the cops and I have to remove my foot from the accelerator, slam on my brakes, put my seat belt on, throw my phone on the floor, h
←Rate | 12-06-2019 19:48 Comments (0)  

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