Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'Lemonpillow': View All Messages
Page: 3 of 40

   messageicon Last week,i did a bit of stand up at an old folks home. Tough crowd. They wouldn't answer my Knock-Knock jokes until I showed some I.D.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 18:02 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..just watched a DVD that was 3.142 stars out of 5. It was a pi rated movie.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 18:26 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Exercise programme: Take one Weetabix. Take an Aero chocolate bar.Crumble the Aero over the Weetabix. Voila. Aerobix.
←Rate | 11-06-2009 02:19 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was shopping with my little niece. She asked if we could go to McDonalds. I joked "If you can spell it,we will go there." She then replied "Nevermind. Let's go to KFC instead."
←Rate | 11-06-2009 07:41 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Recession: when your neighbor loses his job. Depression: when you lose your job. Recovery: when Gordon Brown loses his job.
←Rate | 11-06-2009 12:47 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked my psychiatrist the other day if she thought I was crazy. She said, "No", so I put the flamethrower down.
←Rate | 11-06-2009 21:21 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? So she didnt wake the sleeping pills.
←Rate | 11-07-2009 07:01 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was a near tragedy at my local shopping centre recently. A power cut left four blondes stranded on an escalator for almost five hours.
←Rate | 11-08-2009 03:27 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've figured out how to avoid getting parking tickets;I've taken the windscreen wipers off my car.
←Rate | 11-09-2009 03:03 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..sold her tv and bought a dvd player. Bargain! Oh..wait..
←Rate | 11-09-2009 03:31 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tip of the Day: When greeting your friend Jack at an airport,do not yell "HI,JACK!!". Another tip: prison food is terrible.
←Rate | 11-09-2009 09:17 by Lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon ..believes so strongly in reincarnation that she's written a will and left everything to herself..
←Rate | 11-09-2009 15:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does David Hasselhoff call himself "The Hoff"? Because he couldn't put up with the hassle.
←Rate | 11-09-2009 19:32 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..really hates her boss. When I showed up 2 hours late,he shouted at me. I told him I had fallen down the stairs . He said "So? That doesn't take two hours!!"
←Rate | 11-10-2009 12:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon A survey taken showed that 50% of people described sex as a "deep,meaningful,soul-bonding act of showing eternal love to your partner". The other 50% were men.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 12:45 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Barack Obama knocked down by reversing car. The American people are asking the driver to come forward.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 12:55 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that Volvic Mineral Water, which has been filtered through volcanic rock for millions of years, has a Best Before date?
←Rate | 11-10-2009 16:29 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..is sleeping naked. I just wish that stewardess would go away. I don't care if there are children on this plane!
←Rate | 11-11-2009 05:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whats the difference between a wife and a prostitute? One's on contract,the other's pay-as-you-go.
←Rate | 11-11-2009 05:11 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in.
←Rate | 11-12-2009 14:37 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left