Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The cops will just throw you in the back of the squad car like they didn't even hear you call shotgun.
←Rate | 01-18-2011 17:22 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
←Rate | 04-30-2012 19:53 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just imagine for a moment, if you can, a world without hypothetical situations.
←Rate | 04-02-2013 17:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The intellectual level of this status update has been deliberately diminished for your comprehension.
←Rate | 02-06-2013 18:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only like games where the winner gets their stomach pumped at the hospital
←Rate | 11-12-2012 19:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unless I missed an international news story, the TV show "Finding Bigfoot" should probably be called "Not Finding Bigfoot"
←Rate | 07-16-2013 17:27 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would pay good money to see the mayhem guy from Allstate hook up with Flo from Progressive.
←Rate | 01-15-2012 10:29 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Olympic event should include one average person competing, for reference.
←Rate | 08-03-2012 19:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a public restroom I found a sign that read "THINK" on the mirror above the sink so I labelled the soap dispenser "THOAP" to match with it
←Rate | 09-26-2012 10:23 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can tolerate having a "kick me" note put on my back, but a "wash me" note really cuts to the core.
←Rate | 09-15-2011 15:37 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
←Rate | 03-25-2011 10:34 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder whose stadium will be the first to play "Who let the dogs out" when Michael Vick plays.
←Rate | 09-22-2010 22:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I confine my exercise to jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth and pushing my luck.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 12:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever saw someone do some of the things I do, I'd be horrified.
←Rate | 09-19-2011 13:58 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Three midgets walk into a mini-bar.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 11:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
←Rate | 04-02-2012 17:58 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new favorite thing to do is slip a kid $20 while his parents aren't looking and quietly whisper: "This is from your real father."
←Rate | 05-26-2011 18:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
←Rate | 09-09-2010 22:52 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one ever gives me a hand, but I often get a finger.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 13:40 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Definition of anxiety: half of the time you're worried about the other half of the time.
←Rate | 03-21-2012 17:20 by Aaron Comments (0)  




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