Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Opportunity knocked, but by the time I took off the chain, pushed back the bolt, unhooked two locks and shut off the alarm, it was too late..
←Rate | 09-08-2010 22:26 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honestly, I love every single some of you.
←Rate | 09-11-2010 09:01 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.
←Rate | 07-10-2013 13:47 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green..
←Rate | 10-02-2010 18:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone who says laughter is the best medicine has never had morphine.
←Rate | 11-02-2010 23:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Sir, could you please step out of the vehicle?" "I'm too drunk, Officer. You get in."
←Rate | 02-17-2012 20:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the shortage of great leaders, I have decided to follow myself.
←Rate | 03-20-2010 15:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cops will just throw you in the back of the squad car like they didn't even hear you call shotgun.
←Rate | 01-18-2011 17:22 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head.
←Rate | 10-14-2010 22:56 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally returning your knife. Just got it out of my back.
←Rate | 07-27-2010 04:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
←Rate | 04-30-2012 19:53 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unless I missed an international news story, the TV show "Finding Bigfoot" should probably be called "Not Finding Bigfoot"
←Rate | 07-16-2013 17:27 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just imagine for a moment, if you can, a world without hypothetical situations.
←Rate | 04-02-2013 17:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only like games where the winner gets their stomach pumped at the hospital
←Rate | 11-12-2012 19:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The intellectual level of this status update has been deliberately diminished for your comprehension.
←Rate | 02-06-2013 18:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Olympic event should include one average person competing, for reference.
←Rate | 08-03-2012 19:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I want to see a marathon winner cross the finish line and immediately fire up a cigarette.
←Rate | 06-14-2011 20:35 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can tolerate having a "kick me" note put on my back, but a "wash me" note really cuts to the core.
←Rate | 09-15-2011 15:37 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
←Rate | 03-25-2011 10:34 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder whose stadium will be the first to play "Who let the dogs out" when Michael Vick plays.
←Rate | 09-22-2010 22:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  




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