Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3 of 5839

Apologies to all you millennials -- the Disney Channel never prepared you for all this.
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09-28-2017 20:54
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Worse thing about flirting with disaster is when disaster turns away and says, "Ew."
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09-28-2017 20:57
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Some of the best decisions I've ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
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01-26-2018 05:06
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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
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03-27-2018 20:28
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The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.

My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"

If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
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07-28-2018 23:12
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It sucks being a grown up. Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.
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09-17-2018 02:22
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Whenever someone tells me a Knock-Knock joke, I sit there quietly and pretend I'm not at home until they leave.
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09-18-2018 07:42
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Don't accept any friend requests from Taco Bell.. they're nacho friends
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10-15-2018 21:12
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CNN BREAKING NEWS: Due to Government Shutdown, all the aliens in Area 51 have been released..
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01-10-2019 16:05
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I work in Customer Service because I'm really good at apologizing for things that aren't my fault.
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01-16-2019 12:52
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That Jussie dude sounds like such an A-hole you'd think he could have just gotten beat up based on his personality.
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02-21-2019 12:41
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With the rise in self-driving vehicles, eventually there will a Country and Western song about your truck leaving you too.
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06-23-2017 08:45
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Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
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11-10-2017 07:38
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I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
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12-20-2017 05:44
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Jerk chicken is just like regular chicken, but it drives a BMW and doesn't care about your feelings.
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07-27-2018 02:49
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If you put the words "Let's see who reads this" at the beginning of your post it virtually guarantees that I won't.
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08-08-2018 07:12
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I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
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04-29-2018 05:37
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"We are not even close." -Romans building Rome, end of first day.
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05-04-2018 09:01
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