Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3 of 6376
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Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell in the floor.
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06-21-2022 22:45
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All my updates come with an extra helping of cornbread dressing. While supplies last.
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01-04-2023 02:36
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You: I’m offended, you can’t say that! Me: Noooo, I can, I did, and I probably will again.
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01-09-2023 03:00
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How about taco Wednesday’s, no one has ever done that before.
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01-19-2023 01:53
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It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while, to remind yourself why you don’t go out.
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01-12-2023 01:08
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Just caught my pecker in my zipper. No more zip-up boots for me.
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01-18-2023 01:24
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Beginning to see the need for censorship. Certain people are just too ignorant to be allowed to speak.
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01-19-2023 04:12
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Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still stupid.
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06-26-2022 00:10
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Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize that they meant autumn, and not the collapse of civilization.
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06-27-2022 03:05
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Lady: How did you fix that horrible annoying noise my car was making? Auto Technician: We simply removed your Taylor Swift CD and replaced it with Van Halen. 😎
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01-24-2023 00:16
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The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.
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01-06-2023 17:52
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The biggest story this week, is the suppression of a story about the suppression of a story. That story is also suppressed, we’ll have less on the story later.
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01-07-2023 12:12
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Grocery shopping is a constant battle between not buying snacks, so you won’t be tempted and being angry that there’s nothing to eat.
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01-18-2023 01:01
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I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.
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01-18-2023 01:18
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Do men still go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. The female to male ratio is ten to one, and they’re already looking for things they don’t need.
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01-19-2023 01:55
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Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, which is why I’m eating it again at 11:00am.
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01-19-2023 02:15
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My phone is always in my hand. So, if you think I’m ignoring you, I am.
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01-13-2023 02:48
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My school taught square dancing in the 4th grade, because you never know when a hoedown will break out.
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01-19-2023 01:57
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I’d like to thank my middle finger, for all those times sticking up for me when I needed it the most.
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06-21-2022 22:45
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They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.
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06-24-2022 23:15
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