Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3 of 6324

That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you’re about to die.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 01:14
Comments (0)

Don’t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 01:01
Comments (0)

Drivers ignoring winter conditions, may be subject to natural selection.
←Rate |
01-06-2023 19:59
Comments (0)

If it’s out of your hands, then it deserves freedom from your mind too.
←Rate |
01-07-2023 12:43
Comments (0)

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while, to remind yourself why you don’t go out.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 01:08
Comments (0)

Life would be easier if we all had a video game health bar above our heads letting everyone know how close we are to a meltdown.
←Rate |
01-07-2023 12:28
Comments (0)

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
←Rate |
01-07-2023 13:34
Comments (0)

The biggest story this week, is the suppression of a story about the suppression of a story. That story is also suppressed, we’ll have less on the story later.
←Rate |
01-07-2023 12:12
Comments (0)

My kidnapers returned me after listening to me talk about conspiracy theories that were true, for two hours straight.
←Rate |
01-13-2023 02:44
Comments (0)

My phone is always in my hand. So, if you think I’m ignoring you, I am.
←Rate |
01-13-2023 02:48
Comments (0)

Has decided to be fully delusional this year and see where that takes me. Because, being sensible hasn’t gleaned the results I’m looking for.
←Rate |
01-18-2023 01:03
Comments (0)

Just heard my knee crack so loud, I expected it to glow in the dark.
←Rate |
01-07-2023 13:45
Comments (0)

Zuckerberg is responsible for my multiple profile disorder.
←Rate |
01-13-2023 02:41
Comments (0)

To all 6 of you who like my posts, I do it all for you.
←Rate |
01-13-2023 02:46
Comments (0)

Please don’t ride with me if you’re going to grab the dash and scream every time I run off the road. It makes me nervous.
←Rate |
01-07-2023 14:29
Comments (0)

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
←Rate |
01-07-2023 12:58
Comments (0)

You don’t lose friends. You lose undercover haters. Real friends can never be lost.
←Rate |
01-07-2023 15:00
Comments (0)

This recipe calls for leftover bacon, and it might as well call for dragon tenderloin or bigfoot steaks.
←Rate |
01-13-2023 02:27
Comments (0)

Shuts down laptop: I think that’s enough internet for today. Picks up phone: Let’s see what the pocket-sized internet is doing.
←Rate |
01-13-2023 02:31
Comments (0)

IKEA needs to provide better descriptions on their furniture like, what is the divorce rate on assembling this 8-drawer dresser.
←Rate |
01-18-2023 01:05
Comments (0)