Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The further a society drifts from the truth, The more it will hate those who speak it...
←Rate | 08-16-2020 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
←Rate | 06-08-2018 18:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lori Loughlin is wondering how the Coronavirus got into Princeton and her kid didn’t.
←Rate | 03-19-2020 08:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
←Rate | 08-14-2017 20:55 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.
←Rate | 10-13-2019 17:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking of putting a Coronavirus Quarantine sign on my door to discourage solicitors.
←Rate | 03-03-2020 18:06 by Stinkerbelle Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right, and evil doesn't become good, just because it's accepted by a majority.
←Rate | 07-23-2020 20:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it's an intervention.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My gardening skills improved since the quarantine. I planted myself on the sofa in April and have grown bigger ever since...
←Rate | 06-14-2020 09:45 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
←Rate | 06-12-2018 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son screamed like a little girl when he saw a spider so no paternity test was needed.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 05:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So you took pictures of fireworks tonight? Post all 50 of them- we really want to see!
←Rate | 07-04-2018 23:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson hasn't released a movie in three weeks. I hope he's okay.
←Rate | 07-10-2018 09:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking of making a horror movie titled Front Facing Camera
←Rate | 07-11-2018 01:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The NFL has determined that we will follow the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi,..... rule before allowing defenders to tackle quarterbacks.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 00:05 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon My therapist told me to write letter to the people I hate and then burn them. OK. I did that, now what do I do with all these letters?
←Rate | 10-07-2018 20:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a solicitor calls, I just hand the phone to my 8-year-old and tell him this nice lady wants to hear every last detail about your Minecraft village.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so old that the only room I can go into and remember why is the bathroom.
←Rate | 10-23-2018 19:42 by Haha Comments (2)  




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