Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 17:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t understand why people buy wipes for eyeglasses. I’m confused. Wait, hold up. How many of you just use your shirttail like a real person?
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our power went down for nearly 4 hours. I got hungry, panicked and almost resorted to cannibalism. You guys are lucky the power came back on when it did, because some of you look delicious.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You must’ve been born on the highway, that’s where a lot of accidents happen.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The ghosts from A Christmas Carol are the scariest, because they show you what people are saying about you behind your back.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An empty browser history says more than a full one.
←Rate | 06-03-2022 02:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hot water bottle I bought the other day doesn’t work. I put water in it like two hours ago and it still isn’t hot.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you’re telling the world you fear what he might say.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 14:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don’t like being treated the way that you treat others? That must really suck.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt. It's because of the small arms.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 05:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 23:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trillion-dollar propaganda machine vs. people putting funny words on pictures.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If she starts drawing shapes on your chest after sex, just get up and leave. A very stupid question is coming.
←Rate | 07-03-2022 06:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reach ~ as high as you can, and then a little higher. There you will find magic and possibility… and maybe even cookies.
←Rate | 05-12-2022 01:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Feeling sad today…. Can everyone please send cute photos of your credit cards front and back?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hello, 911? The oldies station is playing the Backstreet Boys again.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They said, “Californy is the place we gotta flee,” so they loaded up the truck and moved back to Tennessee.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:48 Comments (0)  




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