Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump
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Facebook needs to make a "Slap you in the face with a dictionary" button 
If life was a YouTube video, Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.
I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
I'm just here to offer you a glimmer of nope.
Out of all the utensils to eat rice with how the f*@k did 2 sticks win?
Today's Tip of the Day:Taste your words before you spit them out.
The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
When I text I use the word duck a lot. Mainly because auto-correct is a ditch.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you're happy now!!!
If you put the words "Let's see who reads this" at the beginning of your post it virtually guarantees that I won't.
Watching all these Hollywood people pretend they didnt know about Weinstein is some of the best acting they’ve done in years
What a shock! ..Got a letter in the mail that read "If you ever want to see you're wife alive again, leave $50,000 in unmarked bills in the trash can on Chester Blvd". Seriously, does no one know the difference between "your" and "you're" anymore?
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
If at any point in your life you feel useless, just remember there are people on the BMW assembly lines that install turn signals..”
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.
Hardest part about watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" at this point is realizing I am one of the wah-wah-wah adults
how do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.