Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Don’t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lucky for you, mirrors can't laugh out loud.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Start each day with a positive thought like; “in 16 hours, I can go back to bed.”
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m all out of snacks. What else do people do for fun? 🤔
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2020 We aren’t allowed to go in public. 2022 We can’t afford to go in public.
←Rate | 06-19-2022 02:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: Undress me with your words. Him: There’s a spider in your bra.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you had a scratch and sniff map of the world, what would your current location smell like?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An elderly woman was walking her dog when a young man grabbed her purse and ran away. I asked if she was okay. She said, “it’s no big deal really, I only carry that old purse to put my dog’s poop in it.”
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friend 1: I do yoga 5 days a week. Friend 2: I plan vegan meals a week in advance. Me: I eat cake over the sink, so I don’t get crumbs in my bed.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain is good news for you.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The IRS: “Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be wary of half-truths, you may get the wrong half.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kidnapers returned me after listening to me talk about conspiracy theories that were true, for two hours straight.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon IKEA needs to provide better descriptions on their furniture like, what is the divorce rate on assembling this 8-drawer dresser.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When they can’t control or manipulate you, they smear you. 😔
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your fart smells like death and you’re waiting for your friend to smell it.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I carry a whistle at the grocery store, in case someone tries to violate the sanctity of the 15 items or less lane.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shuts down laptop: I think that’s enough internet for today. Picks up phone: Let’s see what the pocket-sized internet is doing.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Zuckerberg is responsible for my multiple profile disorder.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:41 Comments (0)  




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