Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you’re about to die.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drivers ignoring winter conditions, may be subject to natural selection.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it’s out of your hands, then it deserves freedom from your mind too.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while, to remind yourself why you don’t go out.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life would be easier if we all had a video game health bar above our heads letting everyone know how close we are to a meltdown.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 13:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The biggest story this week, is the suppression of a story about the suppression of a story. That story is also suppressed, we’ll have less on the story later.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kidnapers returned me after listening to me talk about conspiracy theories that were true, for two hours straight.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone is always in my hand. So, if you think I’m ignoring you, I am.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has decided to be fully delusional this year and see where that takes me. Because, being sensible hasn’t gleaned the results I’m looking for.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just heard my knee crack so loud, I expected it to glow in the dark.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 13:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Zuckerberg is responsible for my multiple profile disorder.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To all 6 of you who like my posts, I do it all for you.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please don’t ride with me if you’re going to grab the dash and scream every time I run off the road. It makes me nervous.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don’t lose friends. You lose undercover haters. Real friends can never be lost.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This recipe calls for leftover bacon, and it might as well call for dragon tenderloin or bigfoot steaks.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shuts down laptop: I think that’s enough internet for today. Picks up phone: Let’s see what the pocket-sized internet is doing.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon IKEA needs to provide better descriptions on their furniture like, what is the divorce rate on assembling this 8-drawer dresser.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:05 Comments (0)  




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