Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Dear Hulu, Disney, Apple, Netflix, Amazon, CBS, NBC, and everyone else trying to create a streaming service: we’re not going to pay for eight of these, work it out.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We live in a time where smart people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended.
←Rate | 06-15-2021 03:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever smelled moth balls? How did you get their little legs apart?
←Rate | 06-15-2021 02:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Time to hit the sack. After that, I’ll probably just go to bed.
←Rate | 09-05-2021 19:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a kid says " Daddy, I want mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."
←Rate | 07-12-2020 09:10 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Protesters should step their game up and start blocking railroad crossings.
←Rate | 06-07-2021 03:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To defeat the latest variant, experts recommend doing all the things that didn’t work the first time.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder when the CDC will recommend closing the southern border.
←Rate | 08-02-2021 05:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My therapist told me I need to take the time to find myself. Took me all of 5 minutes. There was a mirror in the bathroom. Who's the smart one now Doc?
←Rate | 04-06-2021 19:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A guy limps into Dairy Queen and orders a strawberry sundae. The cashier asks, “crushed nuts?” and the guy says, “no, it’s just my bad knee.”
←Rate | 05-27-2021 23:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Elon Musk" sounds like a new fragrance from Pierre Cardin.
←Rate | 05-27-2021 06:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If lost in the woods, build a shelter. The tax man will be there shortly.
←Rate | 05-28-2021 02:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have never met a baby named Gary. It’s like they just start life at 30 years old.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 12:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon SCIENCE FACT: All the lost hours from Daylight Savings get added to Betty White’s lifespan.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the fate of the world ever rests on knowing 80s music lyrics, call me.
←Rate | 02-20-2019 12:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best way to surprise your partner in bed is by dying in your sleep.
←Rate | 07-03-2021 05:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The most blatant way to flaunt wealth, is to shoot a box of ammo at a plywood target.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon After six months of listening to people talk with masks on, I finally understand what Charlie Brown’s teacher was saying
←Rate | 09-12-2020 20:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I miss the good ol days… when everybody wasn’t such an overly sensitive twit.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:55 Comments (0)  

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