Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Kids consider “it’s bedtime” like it’s the first offer in the negotiation process.
←Rate | 04-03-2017 07:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was wearing glasses before it was a Snapchat filter...I'm a trendsetter
←Rate | 05-07-2017 04:05 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon A small *ATM room* which is equipped with *2 ACs* and *4 tubelights, working 24 hours, is asking me not to print receipt to save environment
←Rate | 03-01-2017 05:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
←Rate | 03-22-2017 23:22 Comments (4)  

   messageicon I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
←Rate | 06-06-2017 08:25 Comments (1)  

   messageicon On the lighter side, United Airlines won't have to worry about being overbooked for a while.
←Rate | 04-10-2017 11:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump has decided to build a wall around the FBI Building.
←Rate | 05-11-2017 05:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it's under the couch in the other room.
←Rate | 03-09-2017 04:54 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon Truth is truth even if nobody believes it. Lies are still lies even if everybody believes it.
←Rate | 03-21-2017 18:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if there's a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
←Rate | 06-03-2017 09:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
←Rate | 06-04-2017 08:33 by Sms Comments (0)  

   messageicon Menage a trois- French for disappointing two girls at the same time.
←Rate | 04-04-2017 07:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't worry about the problems in North Korea. We've sent the B-52's over. They'll surrender once they've listened to Love Shack a few times.
←Rate | 05-04-2017 10:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me and my recliner go way back.
←Rate | 05-05-2017 15:28 by Aerotim Comments (1)  

   messageicon [me, at the gym] I never expected to die like this
←Rate | 05-22-2017 02:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Woke up this morning thinking "It's great to be alive!" Pulled in to work thinking "Just shoot me now....."
←Rate | 05-23-2017 10:39 by Popparay Comments (0)  

   messageicon How do Amish girls know if it's a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
←Rate | 06-24-2017 18:21 by Uncle Bubba Comments (1)  

   messageicon It makes me sad that elderberries are always being replaced by younger, hotter berries.
←Rate | 03-28-2017 09:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My memory foam has amnesia
←Rate | 03-30-2017 00:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
←Rate | 06-18-2012 22:16 by BEGO Comments (0)  

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