Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 3 of 5839

   messageicon Apologies to all you millennials -- the Disney Channel never prepared you for all this.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worse thing about flirting with disaster is when disaster turns away and says, "Ew."
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of the best decisions I've ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
←Rate | 01-26-2018 05:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 20:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
←Rate | 05-11-2018 22:31 by @thecatwhisperer Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
←Rate | 07-02-2018 09:49 by @KylaDenniston Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
←Rate | 07-28-2018 23:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It sucks being a grown up. Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 02:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone tells me a Knock-Knock joke, I sit there quietly and pretend I'm not at home until they leave.
←Rate | 09-18-2018 07:42 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Don't accept any friend requests from Taco Bell.. they're nacho friends
←Rate | 10-15-2018 21:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon CNN BREAKING NEWS: Due to Government Shutdown, all the aliens in Area 51 have been released..
←Rate | 01-10-2019 16:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I work in Customer Service because I'm really good at apologizing for things that aren't my fault.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 12:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That Jussie dude sounds like such an A-hole you'd think he could have just gotten beat up based on his personality.
←Rate | 02-21-2019 12:41 Comments (10)  


   messageicon With the rise in self-driving vehicles, eventually there will a Country and Western song about your truck leaving you too.
←Rate | 06-23-2017 08:45 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:38 Comments (4)  


   messageicon I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 05:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jerk chicken is just like regular chicken, but it drives a BMW and doesn't care about your feelings.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 02:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you put the words "Let's see who reads this" at the beginning of your post it virtually guarantees that I won't.
←Rate | 08-08-2018 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
←Rate | 04-29-2018 05:37 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "We are not even close." -Romans building Rome, end of first day.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 09:01 Comments (1)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left