Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3 of 6366
Amazonesia: When you forget what you ordered this time.
←Rate |
01-04-2023 02:43
Comments (0)
There are two kinds of people: Those who do whatever they’re told, no matter what. And, people who will do what is right, no matter what they are told. 😉
←Rate |
01-23-2023 03:09
Comments (0)
A satisfied life is better than a successful life. Because our success is measured by others, our satisfaction is measured by our own hearts, minds, and souls.
←Rate |
06-24-2022 23:13
Comments (0)
Just watched someone who bought a dozen eggs without even checking them first. Talk about an unhinged wealth flex. 🙄
←Rate |
01-24-2023 00:21
Comments (0)
My wish for 2023 is that nothing unprecedented, historic, or once in a lifetime happens.
←Rate |
01-12-2023 00:29
Comments (0)
When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.
←Rate |
01-08-2023 15:25
Comments (0)
My emotional support dog after spending a day with me. Dog: Drinks a 5th of vodka and chain-smokes non-filter cigarettes.
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:23
Comments (0)
Using your turn signal is not “giving information to the enemy.”
←Rate |
01-12-2023 00:22
Comments (0)
Counting to ten only makes it premeditated.
←Rate |
01-10-2023 01:53
Comments (0)
I’m going to need some of you guys to start getting weirder, I cannot keep pulling all the weight like this. 😏
←Rate |
01-23-2023 02:44
Comments (0)
Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
←Rate |
01-07-2023 13:34
Comments (0)
Twitter files released. MSM: “What files? ~ Space Man Bad”
←Rate |
01-08-2023 16:19
Comments (0)
Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a twenty-minute jog. Now I’m sitting at the park, laughing at all the joggers.
←Rate |
01-08-2023 01:43
Comments (0)
Has decided to be fully delusional this year and see where that takes me. Because, being sensible hasn’t gleaned the results I’m looking for.
←Rate |
01-18-2023 01:03
Comments (0)
Yeah, you’re made of star stuff, but so is garbage, so calm down.
←Rate |
06-07-2022 02:05
Comments (0)
Wonder if the skulls of your enemies are dishwasher safe. Asking for a friend.
←Rate |
07-01-2022 01:49
Comments (0)
If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy taken. Happiness comes from food, not relationships.
←Rate |
04-11-2022 02:13
Comments (0)
Alien: I found this, (picks up cat) it’s vibrating.
←Rate |
04-22-2022 00:17
Comments (0)
My favorite part of winter is when it’s over.
←Rate |
01-06-2023 01:02
Comments (0)
Got a new book: “How to pretend to be normal.”
←Rate |
01-08-2023 17:24
Comments (0)