Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3 of 6357

The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.
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01-06-2023 17:52
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I don’t understand why people buy wipes for eyeglasses. I’m confused. Wait, hold up. How many of you just use your shirttail like a real person?
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01-04-2023 02:37
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Our power went down for nearly 4 hours. I got hungry, panicked and almost resorted to cannibalism. You guys are lucky the power came back on when it did, because some of you look delicious.
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01-04-2023 02:39
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You must’ve been born on the highway, that’s where a lot of accidents happen.
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07-07-2022 00:57
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The ghosts from A Christmas Carol are the scariest, because they show you what people are saying about you behind your back.
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01-04-2023 02:44
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An empty browser history says more than a full one.
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06-03-2022 02:53
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The hot water bottle I bought the other day doesn’t work. I put water in it like two hours ago and it still isn’t hot.
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01-04-2023 02:42
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When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you’re telling the world you fear what he might say.
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01-08-2023 14:50
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You don’t like being treated the way that you treat others? That must really suck.
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01-19-2023 04:06
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T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt. It's because of the small arms.
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05-24-2022 05:04
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Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.
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06-09-2022 23:28
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FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
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01-08-2023 02:48
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Trillion-dollar propaganda machine vs. people putting funny words on pictures.
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01-08-2023 17:20
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If she starts drawing shapes on your chest after sex, just get up and leave. A very stupid question is coming.
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07-03-2022 06:38
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Reach ~ as high as you can, and then a little higher. There you will find magic and possibility… and maybe even cookies.
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05-12-2022 01:36
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Feeling sad today…. Can everyone please send cute photos of your credit cards front and back?
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01-06-2023 01:15
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Hello, 911? The oldies station is playing the Backstreet Boys again.
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01-06-2023 18:08
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They said, “Californy is the place we gotta flee,” so they loaded up the truck and moved back to Tennessee.
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01-08-2023 02:55
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It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.
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01-08-2023 17:21
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Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
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01-06-2023 01:48
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