Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Lori Loughlin is wondering how the Coronavirus got into Princeton and her kid didn’t.

   You can’t call it “pandemic” unless it’s from the Pandemic region of France, otherwise it’s just Sparkling Flu

   My current diet is similar to a 9yr old who just found $20.

   If you’re asking me to choose sides, I’ll always choose potato salad.

   "buttcheeks" one word or should I spread them apart?

   You can always tell someone's age by watching them get out of a car.

   Due to the Quarantine, I’ll only be telling inside jokes.

   I’m gonna tell you something right now, tis not the time to have allergies.

   Realtor line of the day: "Folks can you see yourself quarantined in this beautiful 4 bedroom home?

   The year is 2025. The few survivors of the great plague of 2020 roam the irradiated wastelands of the planet, singing Happy Birthday to themselves constantly. Nobody really remembers why.

   I’m really liking this social distancing rule. Can we make this law?

   As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps

   I just bought a JVC LCD 4K 3D UHD TV. The rest of the alphabet was out of stock.

   Grandpa: In my day we worked three times as hard. Me: In your day soda contained cocaine.

   It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I’m a nice person.

   And just like that, people on Facebook went from being politicians to being epidemiologists.

   Wife: how did you get all that dirt under your fingernails? Me: it's brownies..

   If the world was flat like some people say my girlfriend's cat would have pushed me off the edge years ago.

   The Macarena was just a tutorial on how to fold a sweater.

   St Patrick's Day resulted in the least DUI's ever.