Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Watching all these Hollywood people pretend they didnt know about Weinstein is some of the best acting they’ve done in years
←Rate | 10-12-2017 13:30 by CrackY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 00:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can’t play it safe and have fun; but with fun, there comes a price.
←Rate | 11-26-2017 04:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just had ice cream without sprinkles on top. Diets are so hard.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 16:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
←Rate | 09-21-2017 08:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stupid kid fell in the well again. --Lassie, if she were a cat.
←Rate | 09-16-2017 22:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one has more to say than the woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.
←Rate | 09-19-2017 09:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worse thing about flirting with disaster is when disaster turns away and says, "Ew."
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is a company called Kia and a company called Nokia. I’m not sure who to believe
←Rate | 01-06-2018 05:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss asked me to take an anger management class today. I told him I was angry enough with management as it is
←Rate | 01-10-2018 04:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Know how old I am? I still owe Blockbuster $2 for not rewinding St. Elmo's Fire.
←Rate | 01-12-2018 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who get offended on Facebook are the same people that take mini golf seriously
←Rate | 01-16-2018 02:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I'm skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
←Rate | 12-08-2017 04:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:38 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Was having an argument with my wife. Just as I was about to win the argument, my alarm clock went off.
←Rate | 10-21-2017 17:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gold Star Chili ~ The only place where you can ask for a 3 way and not get charged with sexual-harassment.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 17:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 03:03 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Bachelor is the show that answers the question "How much wine do you have to drink until you think the guy making out with twenty different women would make a good husband?"
←Rate | 09-20-2017 08:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your posts are going viral, just like herpes.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 22:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim jong nu looks like a korean garden gnome
←Rate | 11-20-2017 18:10 Comments (1)  



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