Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2987 of 6446

BREAKING NEWS: "An armed lunatic stormed a gun range and killed 20 NRA members". - Said no headline ever
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03-08-2013 16:35 by BigSarge
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I bought a race horse and named it "my face" just so I can hear women shouting "come on my face!"
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04-13-2011 11:20 by Gil
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I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he's fired ! !
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06-17-2015 00:25 by JAB
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Horse meat is now legal food. Look for McDonald's to introduce the supersized McStallion, low fat McMare, and super lean McGelding burgers, and don't forget the McPony for the kids....Thanks Obama!!
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12-02-2011 08:59 by bill
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Finally ALLOWED to use the computer. My dog has been on assbook all morning.
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11-21-2010 12:36 by John D
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While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
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06-15-2011 02:36 by Will
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BREAKING: FEMA and National Weather Service to plug the eye of Hurricane Sandy by dropping Chris Christie into it to save New Jersey.
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10-29-2012 22:25
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If you keep God inside your heart, there's nothing that will come into your life that you won't be able to handle. God is enough!
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04-03-2010 11:22
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Barack Obama's tweets are too official. Just once I'd like to see something like: "Just took a Biden-sized dump".
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09-08-2010 15:17 by jdpower
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watching 'Earth Hour' simultaneously Online and on Television... It's kinda Dark... :/
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03-28-2009 21:49 by Peebs
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feeling like it might be a randy travis kind of weekend...
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08-09-2012 20:08 by bdog
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CNN = Counterfeit News Network
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01-13-2017 12:22
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- There was a woman outside WalMart with a box of kittens. She asked me if I wanted one. I of course told her that I had kitten for breakfast. She called me a big jerk. I told her they taste a lot like puppies. Thats when she really got mad....
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10-17-2011 20:36
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Girl you should sell hot dogs, because you know how to make a wiener stand.
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02-21-2014 08:45 by ImSoFunny
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Gay and ugly, its not a good combination. And you want to compete with women for men?
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05-11-2014 02:00
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So apparently everyone is calling One Direction "The new Beatles." Great, now I can't wait to see who gets shot first.
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12-11-2013 12:34 by Jiffy Pop
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Canadian bar fights are just two men insisting on paying each other's tabs.
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09-21-2013 14:12
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I may not have grown old gracefully, but having a woman who still loves me has helped me to grow old gratefully.
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11-12-2013 05:51 by Jiffy Pop
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With another unfortunate mass shooting incident, this will respark another debate about how rampant gun violence is... WAIT!! HULK HOGAN SAID THE N-WORD?!!!! Stop the presses!!!
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07-24-2015 17:44
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Coming to Facebook for religion is like visiting a strip club to find a woman to marry. Wrong place.
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08-20-2014 02:41
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