Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: "An armed lunatic stormed a gun range and killed 20 NRA members". - Said no headline ever
←Rate | 03-08-2013 16:35 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought a race horse and named it "my face" just so I can hear women shouting "come on my face!"
←Rate | 04-13-2011 11:20 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he's fired ! !
←Rate | 06-17-2015 00:25 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Horse meat is now legal food. Look for McDonald's to introduce the supersized McStallion, low fat McMare, and super lean McGelding burgers, and don't forget the McPony for the kids....Thanks Obama!!
←Rate | 12-02-2011 08:59 by bill Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally ALLOWED to use the computer. My dog has been on assbook all morning.
←Rate | 11-21-2010 12:36 by John D Comments (1)  


   messageicon While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
←Rate | 06-15-2011 02:36 by Will Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: FEMA and National Weather Service to plug the eye of Hurricane Sandy by dropping Chris Christie into it to save New Jersey.
←Rate | 10-29-2012 22:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you keep God inside your heart, there's nothing that will come into your life that you won't be able to handle. God is enough!
←Rate | 04-03-2010 11:22 Comments (6)  


   messageicon Barack Obama's tweets are too official. Just once I'd like to see something like: "Just took a Biden-sized dump".
←Rate | 09-08-2010 15:17 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon watching 'Earth Hour' simultaneously Online and on Television... It's kinda Dark... :/
←Rate | 03-28-2009 21:49 by Peebs Comments (0)  


   messageicon feeling like it might be a randy travis kind of weekend...
←Rate | 08-09-2012 20:08 by bdog Comments (0)  


   messageicon CNN = Counterfeit News Network
←Rate | 01-13-2017 12:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon - There was a woman outside WalMart with a box of kittens. She asked me if I wanted one. I of course told her that I had kitten for breakfast. She called me a big jerk. I told her they taste a lot like puppies. Thats when she really got mad....
←Rate | 10-17-2011 20:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girl you should sell hot dogs, because you know how to make a wiener stand.
←Rate | 02-21-2014 08:45 by ImSoFunny Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gay and ugly, its not a good combination. And you want to compete with women for men?
←Rate | 05-11-2014 02:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So apparently everyone is calling One Direction "The new Beatles." Great, now I can't wait to see who gets shot first.
←Rate | 12-11-2013 12:34 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Canadian bar fights are just two men insisting on paying each other's tabs.
←Rate | 09-21-2013 14:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may not have grown old gracefully, but having a woman who still loves me has helped me to grow old gratefully.
←Rate | 11-12-2013 05:51 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon With another unfortunate mass shooting incident, this will respark another debate about how rampant gun violence is... WAIT!! HULK HOGAN SAID THE N-WORD?!!!! Stop the presses!!!
←Rate | 07-24-2015 17:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coming to Facebook for religion is like visiting a strip club to find a woman to marry. Wrong place.
←Rate | 08-20-2014 02:41 Comments (0)  




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