Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2983 of 6446

It’s cute how some people hide the fact that their uncle inappropriately touched them as kids by starting fights with strangers online.
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05-19-2013 10:37
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I think I've fallen in hate with you.
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06-03-2013 03:28
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why do rapppers ask us to make some noise? You are the one with the band and the microphone
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06-08-2013 09:04
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Sometimes I'll scream out "FACEBOOK WH0RE"!!!!! in the middle of the mall just to see how many of you are out there.
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06-09-2013 03:12 by BigSarge
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Never date someone that you don't really like. the desire to be wanted is different from the desire to be with the one you love
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06-10-2013 12:26
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The 5-second rule should also apply to anything a guy says to his wife or girlfriend. If she looks like she is getting angry, we have 5-seconds to take it back.

As it turns out, most people don't even notice when I'm withholding sex from them.
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06-17-2013 00:05
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LITTLE KNOWN FACT: The guy that wrote the script for "Gremlins" originally meant it as a documentary about having kids
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06-21-2013 06:40 by snotty
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Day 4; I'm Thankful my dad got drunk and did my mom in the back seat of his 64 Dodge Dart...Thanks Pabst Blue Ribbon
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11-04-2012 09:11
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Wait,,,, If I say something in the woods and my wife is not around to hear it,,, am I still wrong?
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11-08-2012 18:26 by snotty
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ego boost: put a bumper sticker on the car that says "honk if I'm sexy" & then drive very slow
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12-09-2012 21:39 by Eddy
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Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.

Waking up this morning was a stupid idea.

for fun put some pop rocks in the cats litter pan

I propose a rule where girls under 18 must wear a big red tag with their age in bold print...especially in warmer months.
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09-10-2012 20:08
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There are two types of people who can tell you the truth about yourself: an enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who loves you dearly.
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09-17-2012 21:07 by BEGO
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There's nothing wrong with my attitude. It's in full working order.

“You're not going to find a wife with your shirt untucked!” - An excerpt from my forthcoming book, ‘Think Like A Mom'
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10-06-2012 14:09
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it's finally time to put the coffee away!! Cheers :)
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10-12-2012 19:44
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Damn! Guess I'll cancel my 19 mile high skydive scheduled for next week...
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10-15-2012 19:39
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