Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon It’s cute how some people hide the fact that their uncle inappropriately touched them as kids by starting fights with strangers online.
←Rate | 05-19-2013 10:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I've fallen in hate with you.
←Rate | 06-03-2013 03:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon why do rapppers ask us to make some noise? You are the one with the band and the microphone
←Rate | 06-08-2013 09:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I'll scream out "FACEBOOK WH0RE"!!!!! in the middle of the mall just to see how many of you are out there.
←Rate | 06-09-2013 03:12 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never date someone that you don't really like. the desire to be wanted is different from the desire to be with the one you love
←Rate | 06-10-2013 12:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The 5-second rule should also apply to anything a guy says to his wife or girlfriend. If she looks like she is getting angry, we have 5-seconds to take it back.
←Rate | 06-15-2013 18:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon As it turns out, most people don't even notice when I'm withholding sex from them.
←Rate | 06-17-2013 00:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon LITTLE KNOWN FACT: The guy that wrote the script for "Gremlins" originally meant it as a documentary about having kids
←Rate | 06-21-2013 06:40 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Day 4; I'm Thankful my dad got drunk and did my mom in the back seat of his 64 Dodge Dart...Thanks Pabst Blue Ribbon
←Rate | 11-04-2012 09:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wait,,,, If I say something in the woods and my wife is not around to hear it,,, am I still wrong?
←Rate | 11-08-2012 18:26 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon ego boost: put a bumper sticker on the car that says "honk if I'm sexy" & then drive very slow
←Rate | 12-09-2012 21:39 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
←Rate | 09-02-2012 20:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Waking up this morning was a stupid idea.
←Rate | 09-04-2012 12:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon for fun put some pop rocks in the cats litter pan
←Rate | 09-09-2012 00:52 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  


   messageicon I propose a rule where girls under 18 must wear a big red tag with their age in bold print...especially in warmer months.
←Rate | 09-10-2012 20:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two types of people who can tell you the truth about yourself: an enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who loves you dearly.
←Rate | 09-17-2012 21:07 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing wrong with my attitude. It's in full working order.
←Rate | 09-19-2012 21:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon “You're not going to find a wife with your shirt untucked!” - An excerpt from my forthcoming book, ‘Think Like A Mom'
←Rate | 10-06-2012 14:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's finally time to put the coffee away!! Cheers :)
←Rate | 10-12-2012 19:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn! Guess I'll cancel my 19 mile high skydive scheduled for next week...
←Rate | 10-15-2012 19:39 Comments (0)  




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