Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2977 of 6446

Life can be like a prick, Sometimes it gets hard for no apparent reason.

Today the rest of you women don't matter til' Monday...and when Tuesday rolls around a couple of you still won't matter.

Its hard to work when the theme song to the Gummi Bears cartoon is running through your head
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05-15-2011 05:47 by flinnie
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Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
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03-10-2011 02:49
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Dear buffalo wings: What happened to us? You were soooo good to me last night. But today… all I can say is OUCH!
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03-16-2011 11:27
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If I ever get arrested, do I have a good enough friend to come to my house and clear my browseer before they can obtain the search warrant??
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03-31-2011 10:00 by urboyblue
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Trying to write a country song. What rhymes with, My dog drank all my beer and my wife left me?
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08-16-2011 01:46
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Single? No, I'm just in a relationship with freedom.
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08-30-2011 05:15 by No Body
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I accidentally took 4 Ativan pills but I'm surprisingly not all that worried.
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09-04-2011 17:26
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They say life is one long and crazy ride. I wanna know how the hell did I get a ticket and can I get a refund!
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09-08-2011 14:25 by JB
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It's better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
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09-11-2011 06:42
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still a free agent mulling over my options. I will however continue to entertain decent offers.
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07-30-2011 15:33
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The only thing standing between me and greatness is millions of people who are more talented and want it more.
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08-03-2011 09:38
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If watching He-man cartoons has taught me anything it's that you can solve any problem with a sword.
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10-09-2013 21:26 by BOOYA
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Canadian Thanksgiving tip #43: The meal isn't over until you hate yourself.

Idea: We lure Godzilla to Washington D.C., and then claim the insurance money. (we could balance the budget and start over)
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10-19-2013 13:02 by snotty
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I don't simply have problems like people often talk about. I just date or marry them.
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10-23-2013 03:01 by Jiffy Pop
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I'm glad cheese doesn't know what's about to happen to it when I show up.
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10-28-2013 18:17 by snotty
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FYI I will be handing out 1 oz Bottles of "spirits" tonight to keep them kiddies warm
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10-31-2013 08:18
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Let's just have sex.. I don't need another friend.