Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Life can be like a prick, Sometimes it gets hard for no apparent reason.
←Rate | 05-07-2011 10:02 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today the rest of you women don't matter til' Monday...and when Tuesday rolls around a couple of you still won't matter.
←Rate | 05-08-2011 04:00 by KIsstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its hard to work when the theme song to the Gummi Bears cartoon is running through your head
←Rate | 05-15-2011 05:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
←Rate | 03-10-2011 02:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear buffalo wings: What happened to us? You were soooo good to me last night. But today… all I can say is OUCH!
←Rate | 03-16-2011 11:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever get arrested, do I have a good enough friend to come to my house and clear my browseer before they can obtain the search warrant??
←Rate | 03-31-2011 10:00 by urboyblue Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to write a country song. What rhymes with, My dog drank all my beer and my wife left me?
←Rate | 08-16-2011 01:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Single? No, I'm just in a relationship with freedom.
←Rate | 08-30-2011 05:15 by No Body Comments (0)  


   messageicon I accidentally took 4 Ativan pills but I'm surprisingly not all that worried.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 17:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say life is one long and crazy ride. I wanna know how the hell did I get a ticket and can I get a refund!
←Rate | 09-08-2011 14:25 by JB Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
←Rate | 09-11-2011 06:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon still a free agent mulling over my options. I will however continue to entertain decent offers.
←Rate | 07-30-2011 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing standing between me and greatness is millions of people who are more talented and want it more.
←Rate | 08-03-2011 09:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If watching He-man cartoons has taught me anything it's that you can solve any problem with a sword.
←Rate | 10-09-2013 21:26 by BOOYA Comments (0)  


   messageicon Canadian Thanksgiving tip #43: The meal isn't over until you hate yourself.
←Rate | 10-13-2013 18:20 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Idea: We lure Godzilla to Washington D.C., and then claim the insurance money. (we could balance the budget and start over)
←Rate | 10-19-2013 13:02 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't simply have problems like people often talk about. I just date or marry them.
←Rate | 10-23-2013 03:01 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm glad cheese doesn't know what's about to happen to it when I show up.
←Rate | 10-28-2013 18:17 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI I will be handing out 1 oz Bottles of "spirits" tonight to keep them kiddies warm
←Rate | 10-31-2013 08:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's just have sex.. I don't need another friend.
←Rate | 11-02-2013 15:44 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  




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