Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 2970 of 6446

   messageicon The new ending to Harry Potter is lame. He says Abra Cadabra and Steve Miller reaches out and grabs Voldemort.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:29 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone want to lend me $500.00 until Thursday June 20th, 2047 ?
←Rate | 07-27-2011 09:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't think I've ever been told I'm a bad listener.
←Rate | 07-29-2011 23:35 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon In hamster years I'm over 2000 years old. Not bad for a chain smoking sugar addict.
←Rate | 08-01-2011 08:39 by Bobo the Chimp Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it bothers you when I stare and drool, than dont display them!!!
←Rate | 08-01-2011 11:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because a few people, most of whom were drunk, said you are pretty, doesn't automatically mean you are a model.
←Rate | 08-05-2011 16:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're not gonna be in a relationship very long if you can't keep YOUR relationship business to yourself.
←Rate | 10-18-2011 04:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when I heard Gaddafi was found in a large dirty hole I instantly thought...'what a place to hide: Paris Hilton's private part'!
←Rate | 10-22-2011 14:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my spider sense is tingling. Or maybe its just the tequila and beer mixing with the whiskey.
←Rate | 10-22-2011 18:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon what the fk is a kardashian, and how the hell do you get a bieber pregnant?
←Rate | 11-04-2011 07:58 by hmck Comments (0)  


   messageicon The truth hurts. So if it's hurtful it must have some element of truth to it.
←Rate | 11-06-2011 01:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love pressing buttons, so as you can imagine this makes it really difficult for me to be around nipples
←Rate | 11-07-2011 07:23 by Lu Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Do you agree to our Terms and Conditions?" - The question that will someday come back to haunt us all.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 15:57 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, made the dinner.
←Rate | 11-12-2011 12:04 by seeka Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm getting a seeing eye dog and never looking up from my phone again.
←Rate | 04-24-2012 13:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best way to get over a girl is get under a different one....
←Rate | 04-27-2012 03:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We forget that it was Ben Franklin who said fish and guests smell after three days, and that Ben Franklin was a notorious guest murderer.
←Rate | 04-28-2012 07:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I let my girlfriend wear the pants in our relationship, but it's me that decides when they come off!
←Rate | 05-22-2012 21:19 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not exactly sure what my doctor gave me, but I've decided I like being sick. The walls keep waving at me and saying very complimentary things. It's kinda awesome and I never want to get better.
←Rate | 05-25-2012 15:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm doing 'Angry Yoga' tonight. It's just lying on the floor drinking a bottle of whiskey as I shout at my man b00bs.
←Rate | 05-26-2012 17:41 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left