Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Definition of stupid; person who locks their keys in the car...and it takes them an hour to get their family out.

   it fair to say that there'd be less litter in the world if blind people were given pointed sticks?

   Oh, I believe ya.... but my tommy gun don't!

   Road rage and profanity: The breakfast of champions.

   On Gilligan's Island, if the professor could build a radio out of coconut, why couldn't he fix a hole in the boat?

   And on the 8th day, God made Cheez Its

   How bad do you Sing..... "On a scale of vuvuzela to Justin Bieber??"

   anyone else sick and tired of seeing the name LeBron James? I mean crap! Until a few weeks ago I thought he was a rapper. WTF

   You know you're lonely when your friends on Grand Theft Auto don't even answer the phone.

   On the Electrician's Truck... "Let Us Remove Your Shorts"

   Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

   I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.

   Every good friend once was a stranger.

   We like to pretend each season is three months long, but truth be told, Spring and Fall are slackers.

   Do people comment on picture 57/109 from a year ago because they want you to know they're a stalker?

   People in Vimy Ridge would say otherwise about the resolve and bravery of Canadians...

   Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight!

   The opinion of strangers on the Internet is the most important thing in life.

   how do I break this vicious cycle of paying my own way and get free $hit from the gov't??

   I've got some terrible news: MSN