Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Every good friend once was a stranger.

   We like to pretend each season is three months long, but truth be told, Spring and Fall are slackers.

   Do people comment on picture 57/109 from a year ago because they want you to know they're a stalker?

   On Gilligan's Island, if the professor could build a radio out of coconut, why couldn't he fix a hole in the boat?

   cant believe its not butter

   going to keep his Facebook account but delete his real life...

   Decided to make "eyjafjallajökull" my safe word.

   I LOVE it when people that I don't like friend request me on Facebook, I feel like St. Peter --- DE-NIED! Ü

   oh dear... I seemed to have lost my diet instead of the weight...

   I choose to be different because being normal is boring.

   Definition of stupid; person who locks their keys in the car...and it takes them an hour to get their family out.

   it fair to say that there'd be less litter in the world if blind people were given pointed sticks?

   Oh, I believe ya.... but my tommy gun don't!

   And on the 8th day, God made Cheez Its

   How bad do you Sing..... "On a scale of vuvuzela to Justin Bieber??"

   anyone else sick and tired of seeing the name LeBron James? I mean crap! Until a few weeks ago I thought he was a rapper. WTF

   You know you're lonely when your friends on Grand Theft Auto don't even answer the phone.

   On the Electrician's Truck... "Let Us Remove Your Shorts"

   Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

   People in Vimy Ridge would say otherwise about the resolve and bravery of Canadians...