Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 2913 of 6446

   messageicon Dear Maytag: Why don't your dryers come with a Fold cycle? It's 2020 for Chrissake.
←Rate | 06-16-2020 18:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that only when you fart silently is when somebody rushes towards you to talk, hugs you, or rather sits behind you?
←Rate | 02-02-2018 04:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I see house flies in the house...horse flies near horses...so why do I never see dragon flies on episodes of Game of Thrones?
←Rate | 02-18-2018 19:56 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves
←Rate | 02-21-2018 03:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon RelationSHIPS sink when they have too many passengers
←Rate | 02-21-2018 03:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We really do need a rating system for movies so children won't be influenced by watching the wrong movies.
←Rate | 02-23-2018 11:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being single is like "Do you want to eat this? We're just going to throw it away." (...Wow, thanks. I feel so special!)
←Rate | 02-26-2018 09:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mind if I borrow that bikini top? I haven't flossed today.
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:42 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My life is stitched together with vices.
←Rate | 03-05-2018 10:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To keep the kids occupied all day on Easter, only hide 3 eggs for the Earter egg hunt.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter what happens in life, NEVER give up on my dreams. That is why I sleep till noon.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 16:49 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  


   messageicon From Cuddly to Stabby in 60 seconds. - a memoir
←Rate | 03-10-2018 09:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm impressed. Someone went to a lot of trouble to turn this Waffle House into a Waffle Home.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 09:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your wife asks you if you have plans for the day, there is a good chance your plans will soon be over-ruled by what she had planned or she wants to be part of your plan
←Rate | 03-12-2018 05:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to know how we found out stuff before we had the internet then just google it.
←Rate | 03-19-2018 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever wake up, look in the mirror, and wonder why Courtney Love is in your bathroom?
←Rate | 04-08-2018 11:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t remember the last time I knew what I was doing.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 06:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know I said you were dead to me, but that was before I needed a ride to the airport.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog thinks that I like walking her again. My fit bit thinks I'm setting new goals. I'm really looking for pokemon."
←Rate | 07-08-2016 19:54 by @DylanBosch Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left