Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2913 of 6446

Dear Maytag: Why don't your dryers come with a Fold cycle? It's 2020 for Chrissake.
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06-16-2020 18:44
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Why is it that only when you fart silently is when somebody rushes towards you to talk, hugs you, or rather sits behind you?
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02-02-2018 04:01
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I see house flies in the house...horse flies near horses...so why do I never see dragon flies on episodes of Game of Thrones?
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02-18-2018 19:56 by Eddy
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One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves
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02-21-2018 03:32
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RelationSHIPS sink when they have too many passengers
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02-21-2018 03:33
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We really do need a rating system for movies so children won't be influenced by watching the wrong movies.
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02-23-2018 11:44
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Being single is like "Do you want to eat this? We're just going to throw it away." (...Wow, thanks. I feel so special!)
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02-26-2018 09:09
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Mind if I borrow that bikini top? I haven't flossed today.
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02-26-2018 14:42
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My life is stitched together with vices.
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03-05-2018 10:35
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To keep the kids occupied all day on Easter, only hide 3 eggs for the Earter egg hunt.
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03-09-2018 00:35 by Jake
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Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation
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03-09-2018 04:54
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No matter what happens in life, NEVER give up on my dreams. That is why I sleep till noon.

From Cuddly to Stabby in 60 seconds. - a memoir
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03-10-2018 09:09
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I'm impressed. Someone went to a lot of trouble to turn this Waffle House into a Waffle Home.
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03-10-2018 09:29
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If your wife asks you if you have plans for the day, there is a good chance your plans will soon be over-ruled by what she had planned or she wants to be part of your plan
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03-12-2018 05:51
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If you want to know how we found out stuff before we had the internet then just google it.
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03-19-2018 14:59
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Ever wake up, look in the mirror, and wonder why Courtney Love is in your bathroom?
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04-08-2018 11:05
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I don’t remember the last time I knew what I was doing.
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04-09-2018 06:26
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I know I said you were dead to me, but that was before I needed a ride to the airport.
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07-05-2016 23:34
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My dog thinks that I like walking her again. My fit bit thinks I'm setting new goals. I'm really looking for pokemon."