Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   John Terry explained he didn't mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel - he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.

   When people say they've "tied the knot",they mean they got married. Or tied a knot around their neck. Which is the same thing anyways.

   wants money for nothing and the chicks for free.

   A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

   If actions speak louder than words,then why can't I hear mimes?

   I dont care what they say. I think my third nipple is very attractive.

   glad she has pajamas with pockets. Now she doesn't have to hold things while she sleeps.

   The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme.They sent me Diana Ross

   filthy,stinking rich. Well,two out of three ain't bad.

   Due to an "incident",my Mafia family is entering into a Witness Protection program in a Farmville,a few accounts away.

   ..thinks you look fabulous! Who did it and how much?

   Aliens are coming to Earth on Monday to abduct all the good looking and sexy people. You will be safe, but I just wanted to say goodbye.

   With my iPad in my lap, I feel so fresh. All over.

   A pat on the back is just a few centimeters away from a kick in the ass.

   ..just watched a DVD that was 3.142 stars out of 5. It was a pi rated movie.

   The reason you can't fool all of the people all of the time is because half of them are women.

   I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standard

   We childproofed our homes but they are still getting in.

   ..after watching the Brit Awards,thinks that Cheryl has got to try,try,try,try,try to lip sync a bit better..

   Cheryl Cole changed her relationship status to "single". 45 million people liked this.