Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Apparently referring to a Menage at Trois as a 2 for 1 snack pack will get your Christian Mingle profile deleted

   I’m sorry our dog nipped your ankles, but in all fairness you do have squirrels on your socks.

   How high can Mexicans climb?,,,,,,,,,#TrumpsGoogleHistory

   Inauguration Day 2017 Gas $2.29 Dow 19,819 NASDAQ 5560.7 Unemployment 4.7% Posting this so it will come up in my memories in 2020.

   Atlanta won the popular vote

   If your boyfriend wears a gold necklace outside of his tshirt both of you will be asked to get out of your car by the police at gunpoint some day

   it just me, or does Jerry Nadler look like he should be baking cookies in a tree.

   Dr. Phil was on TV talking about the importance of having a reward system in place for when your child behaves. I remember having that with my parents, it was called “not getting your arse* beat”!

   We will rock you until another one bites the dust and we are the champions.

   Difference between cinco de mayo and St Patrick day is that no one wants to be a Mexican on cinco de mayo

   I believe it is important to be an organ donor, which is why I am willing to donate my second chin to anyone missing a chin.

   Poor Hillary can't get a break. She was at a Chinese restaurant, and when she cracked open the fortune cookie, a ballot with Trump's name was in it.

   You got 99 problems??well I got 99 bottles of beer on the wall that will solve everything

   its always a good friday when your getting paid

   You know you need to go grocery shopping when your grapes start tasting like wine

   COMING SOON... OSAMA ON PARADE, sources say he will be dragged behind a series of army hummers, police cruisers and firetrucks,he will be taken to ground zero and they will charge 20 dollars to piss on his body, thus clearing our national debt!!

   wondering why he must think of himself in the third-person to change his status.

   She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger

   Why can't Horatio Caine figure out Dexter Morgan is a serial killer?

   By forecasting freezing rain, the weatherman told us to have an ice day.