Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Just did a Google search for Gary Oldman.... for the love of God, don't forget the 'R". 
For everyone doing your Facebook "year in review..." No one gives a fu@k
Rams Call List: 1. B̶r̶e̶t̶t̶ ̶F̶a̶v̶r̶e̶, 2. T̶e̶r̶r̶y̶ ̶B̶r̶a̶d̶s̶h̶a̶w̶, ..., 77. Jim Everett, 78. Corpse of Johnny Unitas, 79. Tim Tebow
My girlfriend was upset that she's still not pregnant but I told her to hang in there & keep swallowing & sooner or later it’s gonna happen.
"Dad, knock it off. That's Bruce Jenner" ~ Chelsea Clinton.
the reason Waldo is hiding
wants you to read this status. Keep reading it... There, now I have full control over your mind. Now give me a hot dog!
You do know that COLTS stand for Count On Loosing The Superbowl!!
If you are a Dude. and your wallpost showed how excited you Were about Jersey Shore Last nite. Your Automatically Gay!
On the 4th day of rioting my tru love gave to me, 3 Nike trainers, two ps3's, and a samsung HDTV !
I was living with a girl for a while. We worried about different things. One day, I was like, What do you fear the most? And she was like I fear youll meet someone else and youll leave me and I'll be all alone. And she was like what do you fear? Bears
You know you're getting fat when you sit in your bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.
Every man will claim he's different. Every man will claim he's loyal. Every man will claim he is your knight in shining amour. Every man will claim he is your prince. But no man will ever claim he is full of sh*t.
Just because she weighed as much as TWO women...doesn't mean you had a threesome
Don't you hate when you read all the long post and can't find in funny? What a waste of time...
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police!
I'm so out of shape, I threw my back out taking a poop!
I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!' I thought "That's just spam."
75% of my regrets involve hitting "send."
My six year old nephew asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand. 