Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   WhitePeopleGoogleSearches How do I find my stolen iPhone BlackPeopleGoogleSearches How do I unlock the iPhone I just found..

   And there are some that say I don't need an AR-15 and 30 round mags. Yeah right....

   Haven't heard Obama say one thing about getting rid of Jersey Shore..

   Anyone caught Rioting on Inauguration Day should lose their Welfare Benefits. Oh, and their Obama Phones too.

   Female drivers: The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street.

   just heard that LITTLE TWIT Justin Bieber say "yo dawg" during an interview.. WTF !! When is his 15min gonna be up?

   I'm a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got Alzheimer's, cheese on toast.

   just heard that today singer Ricky Martin came out as gay. In other surprising news:President Obama is black, the economy stinks and cigarettes are bad for you...

   an undiscovered comedy genius

   Can't we all just get abong?

   I just got my pen!s caught in my zipper,,,,,,,,,,, I knew I shouldn't have bought those zip up shoes.

   Nothing sums up the proud Mexican spirit on their Independence Day like drunk college girls in sombreros screaming for more Patron!

   running around the house with a wrapping paper tube saying “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

   Apparently this Victoria's Secret catalog isn't scratch-n-sniff.

   God made us plain and simple, but we have made ourselves complicated and difficult.

   No Cyndi Lauper...you're so very wrong. Girls don't just wanna have fun...they want a whole lotta sh!t. Christmas blows. Sincerely - A broke boyfriend.

   Oceans, largest to smallest: Pacific, Atlantic, Indian, Southern, Arctic, Billy.

   It just baffles me that bacon is not legal tender yet.

   If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my azz .