Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   NEW: McCain reacts to Trump’s threat to “fight back and it won’t be pretty.” McCain: “I have faced tougher adversaries.

   Breaking news: Trump to appoint dingo to watch baby.

   The Media is now reporting that Christmas is actually a Russian plot hatched by Putin & Trump to lure people into a false sense of Joy. They are urging that we reject any feelings of joy and focus on being angry at the 2016 Election results.

   For those celebrating Woman's Day... A 'man' won women of the year last year...just sayin..

   Respect must be earned, even when you are a fat, rich white guy with an important job.

   WhitePeopleGoogleSearches How do I find my stolen iPhone BlackPeopleGoogleSearches How do I unlock the iPhone I just found..

   And there are some that say I don't need an AR-15 and 30 round mags. Yeah right....

   Haven't heard Obama say one thing about getting rid of Jersey Shore..

   Anyone caught Rioting on Inauguration Day should lose their Welfare Benefits. Oh, and their Obama Phones too.

   I'm a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face

   just heard that LITTLE TWIT Justin Bieber say "yo dawg" during an interview.. WTF !! When is his 15min gonna be up?

   Female drivers: The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got Alzheimer's, cheese on toast.

   just heard that today singer Ricky Martin came out as gay. In other surprising news:President Obama is black, the economy stinks and cigarettes are bad for you...

   an undiscovered comedy genius

   Can't we all just get abong?

   I just got my pen!s caught in my zipper,,,,,,,,,,, I knew I shouldn't have bought those zip up shoes.

   Nothing sums up the proud Mexican spirit on their Independence Day like drunk college girls in sombreros screaming for more Patron!

   running around the house with a wrapping paper tube saying “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

   Apparently this Victoria's Secret catalog isn't scratch-n-sniff.