Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I went outside once.... The graphics were alright, but the gameplay sucked

   When someone yells STOP, I don't know if it's In the Name of Love, it's Hammertime, or that I should Stop, Collaborate, and Listen.

   A girl plays with your mind, A woman explores it.

   I saw one of those Hummercars with handicapped tags on it. I thought, 'Wow, I never realized that being an a**hole was technically a handicap.'

   If we're not supposed to eat late at night, then why is there a light in the fridge?

   Voicemail should be renamed “messages from people over 40″

   Still don't understand why people say Happy Cinco de Mayo to us. It's not our independence so shut up!

   Life is about kicking ass, not kissing it.

   They should play porn on gas station pump tvs so you can watch someone else get screwed at the same time.

   It's definitely gonna end on 21 Dec 2012. Not the world but the rumor!

   If you ever feel Stupid just think;There are people out there who won't vaccinate their children,but pay for an anti virus for their computer. Let that sink in.

   i'm thinking of becoming a gynecologist....i hear there's plenty of openings

   If God had meant for today to be perfect, he wouldn't have invented tomorrow.

   I fell down the stairs today, and may never walk again. I wasn't injured, I'm just really lazy.

   In any kind of relationship…you learn more about someone at the end of that relationship than at the beginning……

   This Lady in a Hummer at the next pump was b*tching about gas prices on a gold iPhone holding a Starbucks. Long story short I need bail money.

   Nicki Minaj looks like an unlocked character that you would get on the last level of Mortal Kombat.

   A recycling firm in Silicon Valley is searching for a woman who dropped off a rare Apple-1 computer that fetched $200,000 at auction. They need the password so they can delete Bono's tracks from it.

   if noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?

   ALS Foundation admits that only 27% of donations are used for research!!! How's that bucket of ice feel now?