Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon, When you coming home, Son?!?! When you stop talking crazy, Dad. 
Donald Trump says he didn't discuss Mexico paying for the wall with President Nieto because he thought he was the janitor.
Gameshow Fact: Every time a girl buys "a D",,, Pat hip-thrusts off camera.
Props to all the women who don't have to dress like a slut to get attention from men, stay classy... The rest of you come with me...
Despite always being pictured as old men most "Founding Fathers" were actually young men during their historic roles in 1776. Alexander Hamilton was 21, Madison was 25, James Monroe was 18, and Thomas Jefferson was 33!!!
Hey Moms and Dads! Here's a fun game to play: When your kid gets home from school, be lying on the floor screaming in pain, "YOU STEPPED ON A CRACK!"
Just sprayed "Sheer White Cotton" air freshener in the bathroom. Now, it smells like sheet.
Just ordered "coffee" off the Starbucks secret menu.
How long can I stay in a voting booth and scream "I'M STILL THINKING!!!!" before I'm physically removed? Let me know by November.
Since the NSA knows my porn preferences, maybe they can suggest some new content.
Today is Earth Day. The best way celebrate it just came to me. I'm going to go outside and stare at the ground for a while.
When you like someone but they want you to meet their friend, it's kind of like when you ask for a Coke and the waiter says "Is Pepsi OK?"
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
The world overdosing on stupidity, having already destroyed the antidote.
4 out of 3 people struggle with math
People who work on their tablets all day and play games all night are burning the Kindle at both ends.
Heard O.J. is gonna give another stab at marriage...
When I was a kid, my family was so poor that if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had ANYTHING to play with.
What I like about dogs is you can lock them in the basement over night. And in the morning their glad to see you. Your wife on the other isn't.
What if we're not allowed to be happy until Jennifer Aniston is happy? 