Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you need time alone, announce that it's time to clean the house.

   My parents told me I could be anything I wanted. I've finally decided. . . I want to be 21 again.

   Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

   standing in line at Target and just received a dirty look from the woman in front of him, after he started dancing to her obnoxiously loud "Sex and The City"-theme ringtone.

   Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

   wishing I could hit CTL ± ALT ± DEL ± and start today all over!!!

   just came to the conclusion that 50% of the poeople on my facebook page are nothing but virtual stalkers!!!!!

   A thousand words are worth a picture, and they load a heck of a lot faster.

   dirty litte mind is on Active Duty today

   You can be an educated, intelligent, productive person and still smoke and enjoy pot.

   President Obama called for the immediate cessation of hostilities in Gaza today. He went on to warn that if there isn't a peace treaty signed by both sides on his desk by the end of the week, that he has a phone and a pen. "My Will Be Done" -- B. Hussein

   I stopped playing UNO with the Mexicans ,They Cheat They keep stealing all the Green Cards !!

   2 englishmen walk into a dentist... That is it...

   Real Fact : white girl driving...black guy passenger seat

   I saw a homeless guy in a dumpster today. Why would anyone throw away a perfectly good person?

   the person your mom warned you about!

   Tiger's latest voice mail message "Hi Kobe, it's Tiger....can you give me the name of that jeweler you told me about".

   If Trump gets impeached, I will seriously commit suicide!

   It was the busta rhymes,,, It was the wursta rhymes

   "Slow, I say a-slow! Slow ride, I say. Take it easy now, I say, a-take it real easy, now I say." -Foghat Leghorn