Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   whew... stocks drop 900 points..... wish it were like a married woman and rarely went down

   my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall

   1 Hairspray and 2 tons of make up still dont replace brain!!!

   Does a coffin come with a life time guarantee?

   Life is all about ass; you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one.

   It's not my fault when I open my mouth words come out

   let's get 1 thing straight...i work for a living,..i dont live for workin'

   You can be an educated, intelligent, productive person and still smoke and enjoy pot.

   President Obama called for the immediate cessation of hostilities in Gaza today. He went on to warn that if there isn't a peace treaty signed by both sides on his desk by the end of the week, that he has a phone and a pen. "My Will Be Done" -- B. Hussein

   I stopped playing UNO with the Mexicans ,They Cheat They keep stealing all the Green Cards !!

   2 englishmen walk into a dentist... That is it...

   Real Fact : white girl driving...black guy passenger seat

   I saw a homeless guy in a dumpster today. Why would anyone throw away a perfectly good person?

   Tiger's latest voice mail message "Hi Kobe, it's Tiger....can you give me the name of that jeweler you told me about".

   the person your mom warned you about!

   If Trump gets impeached, I will seriously commit suicide!

   It was the busta rhymes,,, It was the wursta rhymes

   "Slow, I say a-slow! Slow ride, I say. Take it easy now, I say, a-take it real easy, now I say." -Foghat Leghorn

   I was sitting across the bus today from a very sexy Thai girl...and I kept saying to myself "Don't get an erection , Don't get an erection"....But she did

   I haven't heard a single zebra complain about that lion getting shot.